The people, support, and routines of high school helped Grace to shine! She played four years of tennis, a sport she had never tried before, joined the National Honor Society, won the American Legion Award, and earned a scholarship from the Scottish Rite. But best of all, she made her mark! Grace counts her teachers as friends, went to Homecoming and Prom dances, and navigated all of the social stresses of high school with only a few hiccups. Social skills are challenging to master, as participants and circumstances are constantly changing. She even made it through Covid-19 isolation,
which was difficult for her bubbly personality to handle. Here are a few highlights:
Finding God's Grace
Our Bulgarian Adoption Journey
Wednesday, June 25, 2025
High School Fun!
Wednesday, August 2, 2023
And Now...Senior Year
Yesterday Grace picked up her Chromebook for school. Somehow, she is a senior already who volunteers, plays tennis, rides horses, and prioritizes time with friends. The start of this school year signals the end and the beginning of so many things, but she only partially realizes what is ahead. She is aware that more independence will be expected, but she doesn't recognize the little things that will never happen again after graduation--lunch boxes for school, Homecoming dances, school bus rides to tennis meets, hallway music as she walks to class, and the comfort of familiar faces at her lunch table. Will these friendships follow her, or is this the end for those, too? I also understand that after homecoming and prom shopping one more time, the next dress I help her pick out could be her wedding gown. My baby is legally an adult, and yet I see her 5-year-old face through the car window as she drives to school! It never gets easier to watch.
We have tried to make the most of these past few years by making memories we hope will last a lifetime. Our 41-state, 8-month motorhome adventure was a blast, then spending 2 weeks in DC this summer, and even binge-watching Andy Griffith (her favorite). And we continue to push her toward independence by sending her to church camp, accompanying her to college visits, and trusting her to manage her time with less oversight. I know in my heart that she will be ready, but I'm not sure she realizes it yet.
So here we go... off to her senior year! The year of lasts and firsts for all of us. She seems excited to get back to school friends and routines, but I'm not sure I will ever be prepared completely for the beginning of the end of high school. We love her so much!
Thursday, January 7, 2021
Sweet 16
I'm always surprised at how quickly children grow up, and today I was struck by the maturity of the young woman who celebrated her Sweet 16 in Covid style. I know that the doctor tells me that we should expect maturity to follow the "Rule of 2/3" where 2/3 of her age is her social maturity, but I maintain that Grace is the exception to this and nearly every other rule. She is a strong, dependable, loyal, caring, and surprisingly witty Freshman in High School.
Her birthday consisted of ordering take out from Toki, the Chinese restaurant that usually offers hibachi-style dining and double chocolate fudge cake, which is her favorite. Daddy gave her a remote-controlled helicopter which I think he wanted even more than Grace, a subscription to Disney Plus from two of her brothers, a Scattegories game, and a Chord Buddy to help her learn to play the guitar. Her tender heart showed as she read her card and she cried at the sentiment that told her how proud we are of the young woman that she has become. Then in true teen fashion, she complained that she didn't want any pictures if she looked like she was crying. Her Asoka Tano sweatshirt, which is still delayed in shipment, will finish off her presents eventually.
But, every year on this day, I wonder if her birth mother is thinking about the daughter who lives on the other side of the globe and all of the heartbreaking decisions that she made on this day 16 years ago. Decisions that gave us the blessing of a beautiful daughter. It is fitting that this week, Grace had to navigate the questions herself when she was asked to design a crest for History class that included her birth order and the conundrum of deciding whether to include Bulgarian siblings and half-siblings who she has never met in the project.
Happy Birthday, Sweet Potato! We love you more than you will ever know!
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Happy 16th Birthday! |

Sunday, February 18, 2018
Finding the Positive
Friday, July 29, 2016
Our Social Chairman
After getting a second and third opinion 9 months ago, we agreed with our thoracic and one orthopedic surgeon and opted not to begin scoliosis bracing, but rather to discontinue the pectus intervention. The ortho opted not to take x-rays again and told us to come back in six months. It looks like it was a terrible, wrong decision in hind sight. Now the same orthopedic surgeon is telling us that she is no longer a candidate for bracing, that we should have had her back to the doctor a few months ago (in 3 months and we understood to follow up in 6 months), and that she now needs corrective back surgery. Apparently, we were supposed to have had an appointment scheduled with him before we left last time, but no one told us. When I noticed changes, I started questioning why I hadn't gotten an appointment reminder only to find that we didn't have a follow up. Two months later, we finally got in to see the orthopedic surgeon last week.
I am really struggling with should haves and could haves. This oversight may have cost my daughter years of playing basketball in the park, soccer games with her friends, and perhaps even several inches of growth. We have told every specialist we have seen this year that we want someone to help us manage her care and each one says something like, "That is the way that health care is moving today." Well, this system left me as the uninformed advocate for my daughter and my lack hurt her immensely. I have been tracking more specialists than I obviously can handle. In the past 6 months we have been referred to an endocrinologist, who sent us to a geneticist, to a neuropsychologist for a full evaluation, to a 504 team and an IEP committee at school, to a neuropsychiatrist along with her usual evaluations with the thoracic surgeon, orthopedic surgeon, dentist, optometrist, and primary care physician. Sometimes I struggle with even remembering each of their names! But through all of that it appears that I took care of what was staring me in the face that appeared urgent and missed something that was truly important.
It is time to call her in for supper, but I really hate to cut short her basketball game. There may not be too many of them in her future...
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Tired of Testing!
I think that Grace has started becoming aware of her uniqueness and started worrying about her differences. It could be a result of being 11, but more than likely, we have fueled these thoughts with visits to endocrinologists, geneticists, orthopedic surgeons, neurophsychologists, and pulmonologists. The other day, she announced, "I don't need to go to the doctor. There isn't anything WRONG with me." And she was absolutely correct. She IS exactly the perfect, God-created, version of herself. The unique creation that includes strengths, weaknesses, and limitations that are uniquely hers and a heart that is filled with God's love and divine purpose. We need to back off. We need to allow her to grow without so much intervention. The probing and testing are only making her feel inadequate and lacking. Perhaps, in our desire to be sure that we didn't miss an important intervention opportunity, we have shaken her confidence. Of all the things a parent can do, this is perhaps the worst one I can think of. I see this at school every day. Students come to class worried that they aren't quite adequate--not truly capable of being "good enough." Good enough to meet some arbitrary standard that eludes them. That feeling of lack can pervade everything they try to do with tentativeness and hesitancy. They falter when faced with challenges and question every effort. I never want Grace to feel that inadequacy because I know that it can be stifling.
So now, we have to refocus. We need to clearly and frequently find, highlight, and celebrate all of the specialness that makes Grace light up the room. She needs more celebration and less data collection. She can't grow to know that she is perfectly suited to God's plan for her life until she sees that reflected by those who love her, Daddy and me. She is looking for validation in our eyes, and we need to be sure that she sees it every day, every minute, with every word and action. So, we will consult with the neuropsychologist and review test results that don't really matter. Our daughter matters and nothing any physician can ever tell us about her should cause her to doubt that she is miraculously and wondrously made in God's image for His special purpose for her life. If the knowledge we gain doesn't increase her confidence and resolve, then it doesn't really matter. We know the truth and so will she!
Monday, May 25, 2015
Growing Up Too Fast!
Books, Books, and More Books
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Third Grade Girls...Ugh!
Recently my little 10 year old was invited to a pizza birthday party. This is the first party she was invited to this year. Yes, that should have been a hint as to the outcome of this event, but Grace was so excited to be going. The birthday girl's mom welcomed us when we walked into the restaurat and took the leopard print gifts which were painstakingly chosen by Grace and wrapped in paper to match the contents. The long table was just about filled with giggles when I said, "Good-bye." Grace seemed happy and ready for my exit, but I was keenly aware of the way the chatter circled around without any comment or interaction from my usually extroverted pumpkin. When I returned in an hour, Grace was sitting in a booth coloring on a place mat alone-- a sharp contrast to the giggles and laughter from the circle of girls packed into the large corner booth. Grace smiled at the mother, stood up from the table, folder her partially colored paper project, and said her thank yous as if this was typical and commonplace. No drama or concern whatsoever... I tried to act as unconcerned as she, but continued with questions until I had a sense of what happened. Apparently the other girls didn't want to teach her how to play the card game they chose. Perhaps that was it, I thought and tried to let it go.
But then we went to the basketball game. Grace sat down in the carpeted, gym foyer to change into her basketball shoes at about the time a classmate walked through the gym door.
"Hi, Payton," she quipped excitedly while she waved.
Silence and no acknowledgement. "Oh, perhaps she didn't notice her sitting there on the floor," I reassured myself.
As we entered the gym a few minutes later, Grace spotted Payton and two friends on the third row of the bleachers behind 4 of their other teammates. Cheerfully, Grace requested, "Can I sit with my team?" And with a nod from me she skipped away proudly and sat on the bleacher behind the rest of the crew. Something didn't seem right about the way the girls ignored her greetings, though, so this time Mark and I chose seats behind Grace about halfway up the stack of wooden bleachers to inconspicuously observe. Whispering and nodding... Tapping shoulders and more nodding... Sideways glances and then carefully orchestrated movements...Three girls stood up and hustled into the foyer and around the corner. Then Payton and the two pawns sitting next to her slid down the bench, hustled up the bleacher stairs, and slid back into an empty bench at the other end of the gym without saying a word to Grace. Grace looked after them and focused on their movements until they settled into their new distant location. A little later the foyer crew joined Payton, too. Still coincidence?
And finally this week, Grace came home with a question. "Mom, who gave me my name? Mrs. L., my teacher, really wants to know. I told her my other mom did, because I didn't know and everybody was listening and waiting. " Hmm... That is a good question, Grace. One to which we don't know the answer. A question filled with undertones of abandonment and neglect. A question that I am sure no other child in the class wonders about. Just one more way that our 38 pound, ADHD, 10 year old is different from her classmates. And now this novelty was questioned in front of an entire class of 3rd grade students; the same students who already exclude her at parties and move to avoid her at basketball games.
My mama dander is ruffled, and I have to remind myself to be slow to anger and not easily offended over and over these days. I did send a carefully worded email to her teacher explaining why it would be best not share Grace's personal adoption story with her peers, but it is really difficult to address this with a colleague who wll sit across the table from me at the next staff training.
And now, I have to move on. Not just for my spiritual health, but because now we need to deal with the girls throwing blocks at Grace during Wednesday night kids church. Oh, yeah, and she nailed them with some, too. She might have started it. I'm not naive enough to think she has no responsibility in this. In fact, I see that she is the common denominator. Grace has a strong personality. She likes completion, Star Wars, basketball, and Wilkie -talkies. She said that she doesn't even try to play with the girls at school anymore. They seem to be a better fit for her right now.
We have decided that for now, it just isn't worth the struggle. We are taking a break. She doesn't need to be facing this much rejection all at once. Maybe we will try 4-H or just take our family camping.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Summer Fun 2013
Adam really makes an effort to spend time with her. He would stop by just to play every week and rode rides with her at the Celebration. They have water fights, too! He is so good with her. I am truly blessed.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
St. Louis Report
The minute we entered the exam room, we were anticipating a good report...even our untrained eyes could tell. We even photographed the films because we anticipated a good report. Sure enough, the curve has improved by 8 degrees in one year, and Grace has grown an inch since August! When the intern talked to us, I asked about the improvement and he said, "Well, it is unusual." Dr. Bridwell came in with his entourage, looked at the X-rays, and said, "She is bracing, right?" When we told him she was not, he checked her posture and told us her muscles were obviously supporting her trunk better, since the curve improved, and put us on a yearly recheck schedule, up from the 6-month schedule we have been following. Yes, we witnessed another miracle.
But, that is not new. Every day she reminds me that my Heavenly Father has given me more than I ever could have hoped for or imagined. Grace is just that...evidence of God's grace and mercy. Here we have a .75 kg infant, born to poverty in a foreign country, who spent 10 months in a hospital without any parents advocating for her. Even with the best medical care, her prognosis must have been grim. So as she reads her Clifford the Big Red Dog book in the car during the trip, squeals while playing "swords" with the boys in the bounce house at Magic House, and hugs her Molly American Girl Doll, I can't help but feel awe and wonder over this blessing. Why God chose us to witness these miracles, I may never know, but I am so thankful that He did.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
What a Difference a Couple of Years Make
We went to Mark Twain Cave for a visit and Grace wanted to be first in line. She tends to process through her speech, which is a nice way to say that she talks incessantly, so I told her she would need to be very quiet so she could hear our tour guide. She turned and shook her head and gave me a you-don't-know-what-you-are-talking-about look that I am certain I will see more often when she is 13. She kept on walking and yelled back at us to hurry up, so I gave her the same reminder. She turned around, put her hands on her hips, and cocked her head indignantly before saying, "Mommy, we don't have a tour guide, we have a tour girl!"
I love these little glimpses into her language development that remind me just how complex the English language can be to master...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Trouble at Preschool
Grace's experiences at Little People's Prep School, her first group experiences outside of the orphanage, definitely have been eventful. Grace is on the red light for behavior nearly every day, and I am growing apprehensive each day when I pick her up. Usually, I get a report about her deeds. Here are just a few:
Grace likes hitting and pushing. She will even go up to other children without provocation and push them down. We have seen this first hand. I think it is her way of initiating a game of tag, but it is much rougher than most of the other children are used to. She is often in time out and gets numerous warnings during nap time. One day, they told me that she got 7 warnings during nap time because she refused to lay still and rest. I asked about giving her some books or a small toy to play with, but the teachers said that wouldn't be fair to the other children. I really don't care what they think is fair, but they wouldn't budge on this. So, I guess that they will continue to struggle with her during that 2 hour nap time!
Grace talks to herself and others all the time, at home and at pre-school, so she often gets in trouble for this, too. She has wet her pants a couple of times because she didn't want to stop playing to go to the bathroom, she pulled her pants down once in front of some other children, and she took a pair of scissors and started to cut off a girl's very long blonde hair. She has a friend that she likes to play with, Kaylie, but I think they get in trouble together. Despite all of this, Grace loves school, Ms. Teresa, and being around all of the other kids.
She has a lot to learn and unlearn after the rough play and orphanage experiences, but I hope we make progress with this before she starts kindergarten.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Playground
Friday, July 2, 2010
The Pre-K Conference
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Where Did She Learn to Spit?
Later at home, Gracie was "helping" Daddy build the playground when out of the blue she spit on him and started laughing hysterically. Daddy immediately put her in time out on the back step. Oooohhh...I think she now knows not to spit on Daddy, who tends to be more lenient than Mommy. Do you think it will carry over to school?
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Vince's Graduation Celebration
Even though it was in the 90s, we played ladder ball, watched the little ones push the bubble mower (Gracie's new gift from Aunt Jill's family), ate Italian beef sandwiches, and watched Grace splash around in the little pool. I'm glad the backyard is shady.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
June Fun
Friday, June 4, 2010
Hitting--The Yellow Light
Well on Thursday, Gracie came home telling me that she was crying and the boy pushed her. I couldn't get a clear story, so I put her in the car and took her to school. I followed her through the corridors to the playground while she repeated urgently, "Come here, Mommy. I show you." I gathered from the way that she climbed up on the blue bench by the playground that something happened outside and that she sat on the bench crying, but that was about it.
Today, Friday, I took her to school a little early to find out what had transpired. The story was, that Grace had walked right up to a boy on the playground and hit him in the middle of the back for no reason, while the boy was talking to the teacher. Way to be sneaky and subtle, Gracie! Obviously, this was not a provoked reaction. She planned retaliation. She says the boy pushed her, but who knows? the teacher put her on the bench in time out, and Gracie started crying, "No sedni, I want my Mommy!" (Okay, I thought the Mommy part was awesome.) It gets worse. After a couple of minutes, they noticed that she was playing with the kids on the playground again. She had gotten up and ignored their time out. The teacher put her back on the bench again, and she was even more unhappy, crying and saying that she wanted to go play.
On Friday, two children tattled that Gracie had hit them, but since the teacher didn't see her either time, they didn't give her a time-out. But the biggest surprise came when I went through the papers in her backpack and found her behavior chart. The teachers gave her a red reward ribbon and a smile for her behavior every day this week. When I questioned it, they said, "Well, she wasn't any worse than the rest of them." It must have been a rough week!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Swimming Lessons
First Day of Pre-K
The first task was to choose the drink for their break, and the whole process baffled her. She had to find a stick with her name on it; decide white, chocolate, or juice; and put the stick into the appropriate container. She has never seen a small carton of milk or had orange drink, so that made the task even more difficult, since the containers were unfamiliar. After picking up Gage's stick (since it started with a G), she found hers, but didn't understand what to do with it even after Mrs. Born told her three times. I finally said, "Do you want to drink some milk at school today?" and she shook her head, so I helped her get the stick into the correct jar for white milk. Then I walked her to the seat that had her name in front of it. When I gave her a hug to leave, I reminded her that I would be working on the computer at the school and would pick her up at the door to go to lunch. She said, "You're my Mommy, not everybody's! Aste obichem." Then when I got to the door, she got up from her chair and ran to give me another hug. I told her I would stay at school and wait for her, and she went back to her seat.
Later, while I was organizing my school files in the computer lab, I saw her walk to the cafeteria with her class. She was in the back of the line by Mrs. Beck, and was holding her hand as she walked. When she saw me she said, "There is my Mommy!" but she kept on walking after I waved to her.
Mrs. Hanson told me when I picked her up that she did fine. In fact, she was glad to see that Gracie stood up for herself. Apparently somebody pushed her and she hit him back. I didn't think this was a good thing, though. We have been working to curtail the hitting, which seems to be an automatic reflex at times, but I thought we had eliminated the behavior since she hasn't hit us for weeks. I think being around all of the kids again brought back some old behaviors from the orphanaage. (We watched her defend her toy bucket.) I told Mrs. Hanson to watch for that and use time out if needed. I hope they nip it in the bud!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My Calendar
She is so excited about going to school "to play with the kids." I hope that she doesn't get frustrated when they want her to color, sing songs, etc. She really doesn't care about anything except playing with the kids. We read a book before bed the last two days about a little bear who was going to his first day of school. As we were talking about Gracie going to school, she looked at me very seriously, scrunched up her nose and asked, "My teacher no a bird?" I had never considered how literally she would take the book. Yes, the teacher in the book is a bird. I'm so glad that we are giving her a short experience with school now, so that the fall transition will be a little bit easier.
I have been worrying about sending her to school, and I'm sure she can tell it regardless of how hard I try to make school sound fun and matter of fact. I was wondering if she could climb onto the toilets in the Intermediate School bathrooms. Will the teachers be understanding if she is worried about where I am? Will she think I am leaving her at the orphanage? Will this separation confuse her as she is learning to trust us?
So, to ease my fears I took Grace to school today. We looked into her classroom and mine, and I showed her where I would be working in the computer lab while she was with Mrs. Born and the other teachers. She seemed fine, of course, but will Mom be okay? I've don't like it any better this time than I did with the boys!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Ink Pen and a Tantrum
Well, after 10 minutes of screaming, "No sedni. Gracie the boss! Gracie the boss! No sedni! No sedni! Mommy no make me sedni!" Her kicking, flopping, and screaming stopped, I went into the room and picked her up, and she gave me a hug. "Gracie a good girl!" she said. I agreed and told her that Mommy was the boss and Gracie had to do what Mommy said. Gracie looked at me and said, "Gracie do what Mommy say. No sedni on the bed." And that was exactly the lesson she needed to learn.
My guess...This was the first, but probably not the last tantrum she'll throw.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Dolphins and More Swimming
One of her favorite parts, and her parents' least favorite, was the playground. The whole 3 story complex is a series of tunnels, rope ladders, tire swings, etc. that are designed for children and small, agile adults. Think McDonald's playground on steroids... I was able to duck walk through most of the tunnels, but poor Mark was climbing on bare knees most of the time. I may feel like I fell off the thing when I wake up tomorrow...Perhaps I will have to start working out to keep up with Grace...Then again, maybe I'll buy a really big camera and just stand around as the chief photographer...:-)
At one point today, Grace wandered ahead of us, and the way that the sun was shining when she turned around, we could tell that she couldn't see us. Since we had been struggling to keep her near us, we stayed back a minute, watched her, and waited. She ran to the left, stopped and looked around, then ran right, stopped and looked around before she saw us behind her. She started laughing and said, "I couldn't find Mommy and Daddy." We hugged her and talked about staying close to us, but I doubt that she will remember for very long. She did stay closer for the rest of the day.
Grace is so friendly, confident, and out-going that we worry that she may not really be bonding with us like she should. Is any adult fine with her? Would she walk away with a stranger and never think twice? Does she recognize "family" as a list of names, or does she understand that we are her only caretakers and protectors? Is her friendliness an outgrowth of her orphanage upbringing where being charming got her more attention, or is she just a social butterfly? "Bonding" is such an abstract concept...
At the end of the day, Grace hit the splash park for a few minutes right before the park closed. We will have to go to a splash park again soon. She layed on the ground, jumped around, and squealed the whole time.
Back at the hotel, we swam in the pool again. Grace is so brave. She jumps in from the side and swims to us, opens her eyes under the water, splashes, and even will swim about 8 feet between Mommy and Daddy. Maybe she thinks she is a dolphin...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sand and Water...The Beach!
- The water tastes yucky.
- The waves push you down so you have to hang onto Mommy and Daddy.
- The sand gets stuck on your feet.
- You can push a button to make a shower go on outside.
- The water knocks over the sand houses you made with the bucket.
- You have to go into a restaurant to find a bathroom.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Where's Curious George?
After reading online revues, we chose Universal Studios because Gracie loves Barney and Curious George right now. I even asked the attendant at the gate if the tickets we were buying were for the part of the park with those two character areas. She didn't bother to mention that the entire Curious George section of the park was closed for maintenance. Ugh!
I do think Gracie's experience with Mickey and Minnie helped her to warm up to the idea of full-size, furry characters, though, because she loved seeing George, Woody Woodpecker, and Scooby-Doo on the traveling character trolley. She even hugged Curious George and followed him around, still waving as the trolley drove away.
The E.T. ride and the Barney Show were the favorites for the day, except for the ball pit! She loved singing along to "I love you. You love me. We're a happy family," catching the snowflakes and leaves that fell from the ceiling during the Barney show, and even getting her picture taken with the purple dinosaur. We sat in the front by the stage, she danced around to the songs, and "ooohed" and "aaahhhed." I will never forget the joy on her face. I guess that half hour was probably worth the admission cost to the park.
After the show, we headed back to the ball pit even though it was pretty grimy from being outdoors in the middle of construction and repairs. She jumped, squealed, threw herself backwards, and tried to bury herself under the balls. By the time she said, "I have to go potty," it was too late and her panties were wet. I took her to the bathroom, rinsed out her panties and skort, and put the skort back on without her panties. She was not happy about that at all, but we didn't have too many options and it was time to go back to the hotel. I'm sure that the damp, cotton, shorts were really uncomfortable. She was even more unhappy when I wrapped the damp underwear in some dry paper towels and had her carry them back to the car. She kept telling me, "No, Mommy take it!" but I told her, "No, they are Gracie's panties." I really believe that the best lessons usually are learned when kids have to deal with consequences that flow naturally from their actions. I just hope that her strongest memory from today isn't a wadded up paper towel...