I've Been Home 3 Months!

It doesn't seem possible that Grace has been her 3 months. In some ways, it seems like she has been with us forever, and in other ways, I am just getting to know her. She has changed so much since the first days when we picked her up and she seemed like such a baby. Here are a few highlights:

1. Grace still loves to announce to the world with pride her bathroom adventures. Strangers often will be told about the little toilet in the family bathroom at Kmart or that she went "aka" all by herself and washed her hands. In the past few weeks, though, she has stopped requiring an audience to go potty. She goes by herself now and then announces to us, "Gracie went potty all by herself!" We also have stopped catering to her bathroom whims like we did when we were transitioning her from the orphanage diapers to big girl underwear. Now, she goes to the bathroom before meals and we don't let her get down during the meals to go again. We finally figured out that it wasn't that she needed to go, but rather, she wanted to be the center of attention and the bathroom always made us focus on her.
2. She doesn't speak in Bulgarian anymore except to say these words: As te obichem, leka noshte, aka, tate, mama." In fact, this week she seemed to actually realize that everything has two names. If we said, "Voda." She would light up with enthusiasm at the Bulgarian word for water and point to her cup, but she can't even tell us the Bulgarian names for things anymore. Just like she understood English before she cold speak it, she has lost her speaking vocabulary in Bulgarian but still understands it. I wish we had taken more videos of her speaking Bulgarian when she was first home. We kept trying to catch her in one of her speeches when she would ramble on for several minutes as if the person understood, but the minute the camera went on, she was done. She still loves listening to the Bulgarian song CD, and she sings the words to some of the songs, but that is the only time we hear her really speak Bulgarian anymore. I was really anxious for her to be able to communicate better with us, but now I miss hearing it. She still has the cutest Bulgarian accent, though.
3. Grace surprises us with her vocabulary everyday. Verbs and pronouns are being used occasionally now and she relays stories adding new words faster than we can keep up. Today she told Adam and Daddy about the trolley that she saw and explained that it was taking the kids home. She asks, "What's that?" and "Where's ____?" all the time, too, even when she knows the answer. I have been turning it around and asking her questions lately, and she has come up with interesting answers. When I asked her "Where's Daddy's truck?" in response to her query she said, "Behind Daddy's car." So I asked, "Where's Daddy's car?" and she said, "Behind the garage." So I asked about Adam's car and was informed that it was behind Daddy's truck. So, she knew exactly where each of them parks everyday in the driveway. She also knows the names of some of the letters and associates them with people's names. So the J is for Aunt Jill, the P is for Paige, the L is for Uncle "Lally", etc. and she can pick them out everytime she notices them on signs, cereal boxes, or in books. Grace hasn't figured out colors yet. She knows Daddy's truck is purple, the grass is green, and school busses are yellow, but she just can't figure out all of the shades and variations.
4. Grace is particular about her clothes and has her definite favorites: jeans with a belt, dresses with tights, and her Minnie Mouse pajamas. We still can't seem to keep most jeans up, even with a belt, but she doesn't seem to mind tugging on them all day so she can dress like Mommy. She also loves pockets and puts little pads of sticky notes and her chapstick in her pockets to carry around.
5. Grace prefers being outdoors all the time and does anything she can think of to delay coming into the house. During this nice weather, she has been trying to befriend the squirrels in our tree. The minute she sees one, she runs over to him and announces, "Hi, Mr. Squirrel, I'm five!" while the poor squirrel is scurrying to safety and she is running around the tree saying, "Hey, Mr. Squirrel, come here!" She also looks through her picture books from Bulgaria and tells Daddy that she wants to go play in the sand. Yes, we have been looking at swingsets and sand boxes.
6. Grace eats very slowly...We wonder if that is part of the reason that she is so small. She loves to talk during meals, gets tired of feeding herself, and wants us to shovel it in for her. She eats a lot if you feed her to finish up, and we have been doing that about half the time just to get her a few extra calories. She also likes the toddler Ensure type drinks and we add that to her daily snack to be sure she gets plenty of vitamins. I'm hoping she learns to eat more quickly before she starts preschool, or she will eat only a few bites for lunch everyday.
7. At night, Grace rocks with Daddy or I before bed, but she only falls asleep in our arms about 3/4 of the time. We have figured out that she will fall asleep without self-soothing (rocking behavior) if we hold her until she is very relaxed. Nearly everynight around 2:00 a.m. she rouses again and we can hear her thrashing around and whining in her bed. If I go in to see her she tells me in a panicked voice, "Potty, potty!" so I rush her into the bathroom. She really is wanting to stay dry at night, but even with the 2:00 a.m. trip to the bathroom she is soaked by morning. I don't think her little bladder can handle sleeping through the night even though she really wants to stay dry, and she wants to drink a small bottle of water right before bed every night.
8. Grace has always liked buttons, computers, and phones so she really likes that Mommy has found a few games for her to play on the computer. She especially likes the alphabet game that says the names of the letters and shows animals for each sound. She tells me, "Don't touch...Gracie computer" and I have to remind her that it is Daddy's computer, which she doesn't like at all.
9. The highlight of most of her weeks is Baby Talk. When we first started attending every Thursday and the lapsits on alternate Fridays, Grace fit in very well developmentally with the 0-3 year olds in attendance, but the last couple of weeks have been different. She is one of the few who will sit during the story time. She will answer requests for songs to sing, and she loves to help Miss Susan pick up shakers and toys. Her favorite toys are these little waffle blocks which she is getting better about sharing. At first she would push the littler children away from "her" toys, but I haven't seen that for a while. Grace likes to be on stage and stands next to Miss Susan sometimes as her little sidekick during her favorite songs, The Wheels on the Bus, Hurry Hurry Drive the Firetruck, I'm a Little Popcorn, and The Shaker Song. She likes shakers so much that we made our own out of plastic Easter Eggs at home. When it is time to color and glue at Lapsits, she really lacks the fine motor skills of many of the 3 year olds, and has a hard time drawing anything but circles. It is amazing how much she has learned in just a few weeks, though, and going to Baby Talk gives me a chance to sit back and really notice her weekly progress. Grace is such a little socialite, that I think she is going to love going to preschool in August, and hopefully she won't be so stressed by the Kindergarten expectations the following year.
10. Anytime that Mark and I are hugging and sometimes just for fun, Grace runs up to us and puts her hand up for her ritual group hug. She puts one arm aroung each of our necks and pulls our faces tight against hers while we all sing the song that she made up, I love you. As te obichem over and over before she showers us with kisses. It melts my heart.

Well, Grace...Happy 3 months home! I hope that you someday will know how blessed we are to have you with us and how thankful we are that God took care of you while we were searching to find you. You have such a wonderful, loving, gentle spirit that amazes us every day.

More Shots

I didn't tell Grace until after breakfast that we were headed to the nurse today. Mark and I decided that it would be best if she didn't associate trips to the doctor with pain, so we always see the nurse for shots. Last time, she didn't understand at all what was coming, but today, she immediately started to fret as we got into the car. I told her that Hannah and KJ had gotten shots, and that all of the kids get shots so they can go to school which helped her to calm a little bit. I guess everybody loves company when they are facing pain. It is always hard to know whether it is better to just spring the shots on the children or prepare them so they know that you will tell them the truth.

Her usual friendly demeanor was really subdued, and she didn't even want to talk to the three nurses who greeted us. Her reluctance turned into whining as soon as I sat her on the table. I can really tell that she is feeling more comfortable with us because today she cried out loud with those big tears during the 2 shots. The magic of stickers and going to Baby Talk turned her right around, but she wanted Mommy to carry her to the car now as soon as the vaccinations were finished.

Later we shopped for a couple of summer outfits at Kohl's. It took a while to figure out that she needs a size 2T shirt and size 12 month shorts, though. I could not find any larger pants that would stay up, so one of the pairs of shorts was supposed to be capri length, but they just go to her knees. Because she has worn so many layers in the winter, it has been easy to dress her so that her chest difference isn't very noticeable. Summer will be a different story, so I looked for some shirts with gathers, a yoke, or ruffles. We could care less, but it would be nice if we could provide her with a little camouflage so that strangers don't make her feel uncomfortable. Right now, she knows that she is beautiful and loves to look at herself in the mirror, especially the tri-fold where she can see 7 Gracies. I just don't want anyone else suggesting otherwise or making her feel self-conscious. (There will be plenty of time for that reality in junior high school.) Her brothers have all said that they will be watching out for her, and that they don't want to ever hear that someone is teasing her. She is going to have a bunch of big protectors looking out for her well-being.

She whined all afternoon, walked with her left leg straight, wimpered to be picked up, and fell asleep sitting on Daddy's lap at 7:30 p.m. after pizza (her request) and a dose of Children's Motrin. I'm sure I will be chided by her brothers for indulging her complaining...I think with them I usually said something like, "Oh, you're not bleeding. It's fine. Go play." I told Mark that we are going to have to toughen up soon. She really loves having "owies" and all the mileage she gets out of going down Poor-Me Road. She doesn't even seem like the same little girl who skinned up her knee in Bulgaria and didn't even notice. But, I think she just likes knowing that someone will take care of her, and if she needs kisses, ice packs, band-aids, and extra attention for pretend pains...that's fine for a season. Her left leg was a little swollen, so today's complaining was not imaginary.

Lentin Lunch

Small towns and small churches have great traditions that make them unique. Mason City has a series of Lentin Lunches at the local legion hall that consist of soup/sandwich and a short devotional time for the community. Adam, Grace, and I joined Mom and Dad for one today. I really enjoyed seeing old friends and singing traditional hymns...I even got to talk to Irma Schusele who babysat for the boys when Adam was 3 and the twins were 2.

Gracie wanted to play with Grandma and Grandpa who she calls "Grandpa Grandpa" sometimes and kept choosing different people to chase her around the playground equipment in the park. It was a hoot watching Adam twisting around to fit down the twisty slide. Grace isn't quite big enough to ride the John Deere tricycle, but it won't be long. Grandpa really tried to get the seat low enough that she could reach the pedals. She also was fascinated by the construction going on in Grandma and Grandpa's bathroom and couldn't figure out what happened to the missing bathtub.  "All gone bathtub!"

Grandma Wharram was especially alert today. She doesn't usually remember my name now and and she asks me repeatedly where I live and what I do, but she held my hand, told us someone had said she was nearly 100 (which is true), and smiled and chatted the entire time we were there. She loved watching "the little girl" push her walker around the lounge area, and she pulled Grace up onto her lap for a while. Grace knows her as Grandma Wharram, recognized her right away and was happy to hug and love on her. She asked Adam about his job and seemed to recognize him as family, too. When Grandma is having a good day, she tells me the same thing when I get ready to leave, "You know, you have always have a special place in my heart. I love you." Even though I know she doesn't really remember how I am related or why she loves me, I can tell she really means it and that is enough. I feel blessed to have heard those words today. She stood at the windows of the nursing home and waved at us as we drove away. I really miss her.

Scovill Playground

Mark finally got off work before dark today, so we met at Scovill Playground. I have wanted to take Grace several times during the day, but Mark so wanted to be there to see her reaction to the equipment that I waited. Of course, she loved it. She scaled up the climbing wall and the big boulder, scooted across the horizontal "swiss cheese" wall, chatted with the dinosaur, pushed herself on the swing, and checked out every slide and climbing apparatus. We only went home because the bathrooms were locked and she was jumping up and down saying, "Potty, potty!" Then Grace and I went to Lifebuilders small group while Mark headed to bed. Tomorrow is another 12 hour shift and he has to get up at 1:30 a.m.  Ugh...

First Play Date

Gracie was so excited for her play date that the first words out of her mouth this morning were, "Mommy Gracie go Hannah's house now." Play dates were a rarity when the boys were little; I guess the boys always had playmates (each other), few people wanted to invite three toddlers to play, and I was too busy to schedule social time. This time around, I am feeling a little secluded with only Grace and being away from other adults, so I was excited for the visit with Audrey and Hannah, too.

Hannah is younger, taller, and much more mature than Gracie. I learned a lot by watching the two of them today. Grace loved driving the car Fred Flinstone style around the basement, swinging, blowing on the recorder, and playing the pink guitar, but she didn't like Hannah's doggy at all. In fact, when the Cocker Spaniel (I think) met her at the door she immediately started squealing, shaking, climbing up Mommy, and crying. Even after a couple of minutes of Hannah telling her that she was a nice dog, the tears still rolled down her cheeks and her body shook anytime the dog came close. She hasn't cried this hard since we refused to let her ride the car/cart at the mall. Finally when the dog was in the bedroom, Gracie was fine and only occasionally asked about him. She loves watching dogs from a distance, talks to them when they are behind fences, and yells at them to "stop barking." But she told Daddy when she got home, "Gracie no like big doggy. Little doggy," and held her fingers up to show that a little doggy was the size of a peanut. She tells us that the doggy bites her hand, so we don't know whether she imagines a dog will bite her or if she has had a traumatic experience with dogs in the past.

We both loved the spinach salad and noodles for lunch, too. Grace loves salad and baby carrots. (So much for the food texture problems we were warned about.) When Hannah was having a chocolate chip cookie, though, Grace took one bite and asked for more noodles. Audry, bless her heart, heated up more noodles for her "dessert" while the rest of us chowed on cookies...

It always surprises me to see Grace with other children, because it really highlights her delays in development. Hannah loves reading books, and she asked me to read some of them to her. Grace has a hard time sitting still for a full story and prefers dancing and singing. Hannah was trying to stack small blocks into a tall tower, and Grace just wanted to knock them over. Hannah actually plays with other children, but Gracie plays next to other children with little interaction. She loves seeing new toys and usually can share if reminded, but she didn't really initiate playing with Hannah at all. In fact, the only area where 5 year old Grace seemed to be more competent than 3 year old Hannah was that she can eat without making hardly any mess at all. I think the girls would love playing together at Scovill playground...

The Children's Museum

The key to a good night's sleep...Make sure Grace is exhausted. Today's plan for wearing her out with a walk downtown was nixed due to the rain, so we headed to Baby Talk and then the Children's Museum. Her developmental progress is so much more obvious at Baby Talk because we do the same kind of activities from week to week. Each day she listens better and remembers more of the songs and activities. Today she even requested to get the shakers and dance to the "Shake It Baby" song when the children were asked for requests. During the owl book, she didn't try to climb up on Susan's lap, and sat on her bottom through the entire story. She did look back at me in amazement at the size of the owl and told me quietly, "Gulyam!" But, most of the time she was focused. She remembered the owl story and said, "Who, who..." while she was making her owl hand puppet. We are still working on helping her to choose a dominant hand, and practiced today. She really shows no preference what-so-ever, so we are trying to encourage eating, coloring, and cutting with her right hand. As a teacher, I know how much easier it is for students to be right-handed. So many things in our world are set up for righties. Mark is a lefty (I tease him about being wrong-handed) and he hopes she will decide to be right-handed, too.

"Big house," the Children's Museum, was also a hit. I had a hard time getting Gracie past the wind tunnels at the front door to even see the rest of the museum..She loved picking up the colored scarves and huge pom-pons to give to the bigger kids who were playing there. During our two hour visit, Grace spent most of her time in the grocery store area, pushing the cart and loading up on the groceries, but she also loved using the washer and dryer in the play kitchen where she made Mommy some tea, and changing the tires in the auto repair area. The climber was fun until the really big kids got on, and then she decided she wanted them to "baby" her. She has this way of looking at people and holding out her hands that makes everyone want to pick her up and help her. It was funny to watch her change from this confident, capable "big" girl who was climbing up and down  by herself into a helpless, needy "baby" in a matter of seconds. She really just wanted the attention of some of the school girls, so we moved along. Two hours was enough chaos for both of us, but we will definitely go back on the next rainy day. Maybe the next time there won't be two bus loads of kids...

Mission accomplished! Grace was nearly asleep when we got home from the museum, a 15 minute drive, and bedtime was a breeze.

The Testing Begins

I expected that eventually the honeymoon phase would pass and the testing would begin...Grace has decided that she likes being able to get adults to do what she wants and being catered to at about the same time that Mark and I are getting tired of her whining. This week we have been hearing her favorite new word, "What?" after nearly every statement and her little grumble, grunt, and point routines have been increasing. She has learned enough English to respond verbally most of the time, so we have been ignoring the charades and responding to her needs when she speaks. It is beginning to work, but we have to remind her to "use her words" (the phrase borrowed from Vince) repeatedly. She also has become more stubborn. She has been ignoring me when I ask her to pick up toys, saying "no" to my lunch choices, refusing to hold my hand sometimes, and telling me what she does and doesn't want to wear every day. She tells me daily that she wants to wear earrings, argues about the color of her socks, and pouts if she can't hold the hairdryer in the morning. Last night, she did not want to quiet down to sleep. She kept talking, kicking her feet, singing, asking for a drink of water, and wiggling around. Finally I sat her on my lap and looked at her seriously while I explained in a firm, but calm, voice that it was time for bed, Mommy was the boss, and Gracie had to do what Mommy and Daddy told her to do. Now Gracie needed to go to sleep, not play.

Grace dropped her head, gave her best pout face, and sighed. I rocked her for a few seconds before she started mumbling quietly, "No Mommy boss. Gracie boss. Gracie boss. No Mommy boss." I'm sure she could feel my body shaking as I tried desperately to hold back my laughing. A few minutes later, she said, "I love Mommy," gave me a kiss, started sucking her thumb, closed her eyes, and went to sleep. I am sure this is only the beginning of the challenges...

Just Like Mommy

It was actually in the 60's today so we spent much of the day outside, walking to the post office, eating lunch in the park and seeing the neighbor's geese, playing on the playground, stopping briefly at the public library, and even painting wooden letters in the backyard. But the highlight of the day was a 30 second conversation while we were waiting in line at the post office.

Grace, of course, greeted a woman who was in line behind us at the counter with, "Hi, I'm five." The woman looked from her to me and commented, "I bet this is your mom...You look just like her!" I grinned and agreed. The workers at the orphanage told us the same thing. They would talk animatedly in Bulgarian, smile, point to me, pat their cheeks and Gracie's, and smile. We truly didn't care what nationality our daughter was or what she looked like, and we expressed that in our adoption request. The fact that God lead us to the other side of the globe to find Gracie and that she looks so much like our family just reminds me of how God gives us more than we could think of or hope for.

Yummy peanut butter and jelly.

I'm So Glad We Found You

This is tonight's conversation with me during the last trip to the bathroom before bed:
Mommy: I'm so glad we found you. (kiss)
Grace: Mommy Daddy sad. Gracie bees a Neska Leelee. Mommy Daddy no find Gracie.
Mommy: Yes, Mommy and Daddy were sad because we couldn't find Gracie. We looked and looked and finally found Gracie all the way in Bulgaria with Neska and Leelee.
Grace: Mommy Daddy find Gracie to home. No Neska Leelee to home. Mommy Daddy to home.
Mommy: Yes, Mommy and Daddy went to Bulgaria on an airplane and brought Gracie home.
Grace: No sad.
Mommy: No we're not sad anymore, we are so happy to have Gracie home with our family. We love Gracie.
Grace: No Gracie sad...Mommy Daddy no find Gracie. Where's Gracie? (She puts her hands up and looks around.) Mommy Daddy find Gracie to home, no sad.
Mommy: Mommy and Daddy are happy because we found Gracie. Do you like being at home with Mommy and Daddy?
Grace: Happy. (smiles and hugs me)
Mommy: Neska and Leelee are happy that Gracie has a family, and Emanwewe has a family, too. Neska and Leelee took care of you until Mommy and Daddy could find you and bring you home.
Grace: Gracie, Mommy Daddy. Emanwewe, Mommy Daddy... Mommy Daddy, as te obichem Gracie. (She puts out her arms to hug Mark and me at the same time and sings, "I love you, as te obichem.")
Mommy: Yes, Mommy and Daddy as te obichem Gracie.
Gracie: Tomorrow, hungry eggs...
Mommy: Oh, you want eggs for breakfast tomorrow?
Grace: Tomorrow...and cereal.

The RIB

The RIB, i.e. Royal International Buffet, is usually our meeting place for Sunday brunch with Mark's family, so Gracie looks forward to "soupa, chicken, noodles, chocolate bananas, green beans, macaroni..." and of course a few sips of Mommy's tea (mixed with water) at the end of the meal. You can tell we are there often because she even knows the owner and some of the waitresses by name. Since Uncle Larry has been out of town, this was his first chance to hold Grace. She kept asking about Aunt Sara, who is really going to be jealous when she sees these pictures...

Hi, Uncle "Lally!"

Spitler Park

It was another great day except that Daddy had to work on a Saturday and then they forced him over for a 12 hour shift. We are thankful for our jobs, but it has been hard for both Grace and Daddy to adjust to being apart everyday. Our original plan was to go to the Scovill Park Playground when he got home from work, but since he couldn't join us we headed for Spitler Park. When we got to the playground one of my previous students and two of her girl friends were riding their bikes in the park, and they immediately were enamored with Grace. They just kept saying, "Ah, she's so cute!" After about 15 minutes of swinging and ordering Mommy to swing, too, she started going down the slides with the girls. Grace's new word for today is "altogether" which she thinks is hysterical for some reason, so she laughs every times she says it or sees the picture of the 3 girls sitting altogether on the slide.

What a Walk

"Dr. Dan! Dr. Dan!" were the first words out of Grace's mouth this morning, because she knew she was going to see her favorite doctor. This was mostly a checkup and an opportunity to review the reports from the specialists and determine whether Grace needs any other evaluations. The minute she walked into the doctor's office, she started asking, "Where's Dr. Dan?" to the receptionist and the nurse.

Good news, she has grown a full inch since December 22 and gained 2 pounds. We were really hoping for more weight gain, but she is now 26.5 pounds and 36.25 inches tall. Dr. Dan is referring us to an orthopedic specialist to evaluate her chest and her flat feet, but besides that he was impressed by her progress. She talks constantly and has started saying words like: actually, talking, put, coughing, and other.

The sun has finally melted almost all of the snow, so Grace and I headed out on a long (gulyam) walk to the Mt. Zion Library complete with sunglasses, tissues, spring jackets, and a bottle of water. Of course I had forgotten how exciting it is to see an ambulance, 12 school buses, a dog in a fence, a fire truck, and five helicopters. Grace learned the word "loud" and yells it at the top of her lungs now after 5 National Guard helicopters flew overhead to demonstrate this new word so she could understand. She also is fascinated by schoolbuses so everytime she saw one coming we had to stop walking, wait to see if it would come past us, and wave at the driver. Next time we'll have to take a walk before 2:30 p.m. if we are in a hurry. Today she also discovered her shadow, so people in the neighborhood were probably looking out their windows and laughing as we danced around, kicked our feet, and played "Where's Gracie?" with our shadows. She was fascinated that her shadow could disappear behind mine and she could jump out and her shadow was still there. About halfway home, she wanted me to carry her, but I told her I was too tired and she made it all the way back home. She was laying down sucking her thumb at 7:00 p.m. so I think I wore her out today.

The "D" Word

It is times like this when I am glad I kept this blog private, and I have the opportunity to reread and edit before I print this into book format for Gracie.

Just as a couple who is engaged never expects to get a divorce, neither do adoptive parents consider the "d" word--disruption--when they are preparing for the home visit from the social worker, notarizing mountains of documents, and putting cardboard outlines of little feet into dozens of pairs of shoes in order to find just the right size. They expect to be parents forever. But sometimes, I guess, parents find that they can't love or don't want to care for their children even after traveling halfway around the world to find them. It breaks my heart, but it is reality.

Nearly a year ago now, our paperwork was stuck at the Department of Homeland Security and we were unsure that we were going to be able to continue adopting from Bulgaria. During those anxious months our agency continued to send us photos, videos, and medical reports for some of the children who had special needs. Mark and I remember clearly the sweet video of two little sisters smiling and playing with blocks and hoped that they would find a family. We knew that our homestudy would approve us for two girls and we would have requested their files if our paperwork had not been in limbo at the time. We loved getting updates on the children we had seen who had found forever families and rejoiced when we learned these girls had found theirs, too. When our paperwork hassle was finally rectified, we knew that God had orchestrated our adoption process, and even delayed our paperwork in Chicago, so that we would find Grace, who was meant to be with us. She is absolutely perfect for our family.

Today we found out from our agency that the two sweeties from the video are losing their family. Their adoption is being...disrupted. My heart has been aching as I think about the children and the parents. Obviously their family didn't bond like they had expected. Perhaps there are behavior or emotional problems that were unexpected. Maybe the parents were not equipped to love unconditionally. But I just want to jump in and fix it. I told Mark that I wanted to call and take them, too. He assured me that God had a perfect family for them, and I asked, "But what if that family is ours?" Yes, I logically know that adopting two more children now is a bad idea. In fact, the information on Tree of Life's website suggested that these two girls join a family that did not have younger siblings, but my heart breaks for these two little girls. They have faced so much turmoil and uncertainty in their short lives. I'd like to think that we could love the problems away.

I think this disruption seems personal because of our shared experiences. You see, I know how hard these parents worked to complete this adoption, the anticipation they felt as they waited, and the preparations that they made before they brought the girls home. I know how they shared with their extended families and co-workers about their plans and the flurry of excitement during the first days together as a family. So what happened to their dreams, and now what will they do? How must it feel to look at your daughters every day and know you are hoping they will leave soon? What kinds of behaviors could cause these once optimistic parents to make this decision? Usually parents who disrupt are attacked on list serves and Yahoo groups for being heartless, but I am praying for them, too. Yes, they are making this choice, but can you imagine their feelings of regret? The ridicule they will endure from friends and family? The empty house they will face every day? The family dreams that will never be fulfilled?

I gave Grace extra hugs tonight after we talked about our day...photos at Olan Mills, going to the Social Security Office with "Gracie's special papers," playing at the mall playground, shopping, Mommy's haircut...because I love being her mama. As I tucked her in I sang her the little verse from the book I'll Love You Forever, that Adam, Blaise, and Vince heard over and over when I tucked them in:

"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

And I meant every word...Please be praying that those two beautiful little sisters find a family that feels the same way about them.

Chestita Baba Marta!

Chestita Baba Marta! Happy Grandma March! Bulgarians celebrate March 1 with an unusual tradition that reminds me of the May baskets that we used to give and get when I was a little girl. (Aunt Irene always had the most beautiful ones.) Anyway, in Bulgaria on March 1 children collect martenitsas, which are usually red and white cords to signal the return of spring.   So, this morning Grace, Adam, and I put our red and white bracelets on, and as soon as I told Grace, "Chestida Baba Marta" she said, "It's coming!" I think she heard the grandma part and was just hopeful to see her grandma today. (She struggles with pronouns so when she finds her sunglasses she says, "There she is!" and when she points to her home she says, "There I are!")
Here is the article about it from the Sofia Morning News at http://www.novinite.com/ :

BABA MARTA GREETS BULGARIANS WITH MILD WEATHER

All Bulgarians celebrate on March 1 a centuries-old tradition and exchange martenitsas on what is called the day of Baba Marta, which this year dawned with a shy sun, spelling relatively nice weather ahead.

Eagerly followed on March 1 every single year, the tradition of giving your friends red-and-white interwoven strings brings health and happiness during the year and is a reminder that spring is near.


Celebrated on March 1, Baba Marta (Grandma March) is believed to be a feisty lady who always seems to be grudging at her two brothers, while the sun only comes out when she smiles.


As folklore often goes there are different versions of the Baba Marta tale. One says that on that day she does her pre-spring cleaning and shakes her mattress for the last time before the next winter - all the feathers that come out of it pour on Earth like snow - the last snow of the year.


The martenitsa tradition is thought to have been inspired by Bulgaria's first Khan Asparuh, who sent a white string to his wife to tell her he survived a battle.


People are supposed to take off their martenitsas when they see the first signs that spring has already come - a blooming tree or a stork.


When the martenitsa is taken off some tie it to a tree - one that they'd like to be especially fruitful. Others place it under a rock and based on what they find there the next morning guess what kind of a year this one would be.

The martenitsa now comes in all shapes and sizes - from Guiness-worth giant building packages to two tiny simple strings gently placed on a newborn's arm. Children usually compete who will get the most and often walk around more ornate than a Christmas tree.


However, it always bears the same meaning - a lucky charm against the evil spirits of the world, a token for health and a sign of appreciation.

Then to top it off, the CD of children's songs that Mark ordered from Bulgaria arrived and Grace loved hearing the songs. You could see her face light up as she heard the voices of the little children singing the songs she used to sing. Three of the songs on the CD are the ones we recognized her singing when she first came home, but I haven't heard her singing those songs for a couple of weeks. Now she is always singing Jesus Loves Me; Twinkle Twinkle Little Star; B-I-N-G-O; and the ABC's. We want to play the CD every day for a week or so and see if Grace will remember the songs...I hope so. I'm already starting to miss her little Bulgarian phrases and songs. We found the CD at: http://www.bulgariancds.com/c/sl-e/cid-18/p-p/id-1020/dvg-morski-pesychinki-nezabravimi-detski-pesnichki-1.html , and it only cost $15.00 including shipping from Bulgaria. I really wish we had ordered this before we picked up Gracie! I know she won't keep much of her first language, if any, but we would love for her to remember a few songs and phrases...

Vince's Guitara

Vince was home for a short spring break between IWU's break and the break for Head Start where he is an intern. Grace missed both Vince and his guitara. She loves music and her brother as you can tell from the pictures, and Vince is so patient and sweet with her. You can tell he works with children because he kept saying things to her like, "Use your words," when she would point to try to get what she wanted. He is going to be a great social worker. I would love to see him in action at Head Start.