Just as a couple who is engaged never expects to get a divorce, neither do adoptive parents consider the "d" word--disruption--when they are preparing for the home visit from the social worker, notarizing mountains of documents, and putting cardboard outlines of little feet into dozens of pairs of shoes in order to find just the right size. They expect to be parents forever. But sometimes, I guess, parents find that they can't love or don't want to care for their children even after traveling halfway around the world to find them. It breaks my heart, but it is reality.
Nearly a year ago now, our paperwork was stuck at the Department of Homeland Security and we were unsure that we were going to be able to continue adopting from Bulgaria. During those anxious months our agency continued to send us photos, videos, and medical reports for some of the children who had special needs. Mark and I remember clearly the sweet video of two little sisters smiling and playing with blocks and hoped that they would find a family. We knew that our homestudy would approve us for two girls and we would have requested their files if our paperwork had not been in limbo at the time. We loved getting updates on the children we had seen who had found forever families and rejoiced when we learned these girls had found theirs, too. When our paperwork hassle was finally rectified, we knew that God had orchestrated our adoption process, and even delayed our paperwork in Chicago, so that we would find Grace, who was meant to be with us. She is absolutely perfect for our family.
Today we found out from our agency that the two sweeties from the video are losing their family. Their adoption is being...disrupted. My heart has been aching as I think about the children and the parents. Obviously their family didn't bond like they had expected. Perhaps there are behavior or emotional problems that were unexpected. Maybe the parents were not equipped to love unconditionally. But I just want to jump in and fix it. I told Mark that I wanted to call and take them, too. He assured me that God had a perfect family for them, and I asked, "But what if that family is ours?" Yes, I logically know that adopting two more children now is a bad idea. In fact, the information on Tree of Life's website suggested that these two girls join a family that did not have younger siblings, but my heart breaks for these two little girls. They have faced so much turmoil and uncertainty in their short lives. I'd like to think that we could love the problems away.
I think this disruption seems personal because of our shared experiences. You see, I know how hard these parents worked to complete this adoption, the anticipation they felt as they waited, and the preparations that they made before they brought the girls home. I know how they shared with their extended families and co-workers about their plans and the flurry of excitement during the first days together as a family. So what happened to their dreams, and now what will they do? How must it feel to look at your daughters every day and know you are hoping they will leave soon? What kinds of behaviors could cause these once optimistic parents to make this decision? Usually parents who disrupt are attacked on list serves and Yahoo groups for being heartless, but I am praying for them, too. Yes, they are making this choice, but can you imagine their feelings of regret? The ridicule they will endure from friends and family? The empty house they will face every day? The family dreams that will never be fulfilled?
I gave Grace extra hugs tonight after we talked about our day...photos at Olan Mills, going to the Social Security Office with "Gracie's special papers," playing at the mall playground, shopping, Mommy's haircut...because I love being her mama. As I tucked her in I sang her the little verse from the book I'll Love You Forever, that Adam, Blaise, and Vince heard over and over when I tucked them in:
"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."And I meant every word...Please be praying that those two beautiful little sisters find a family that feels the same way about them.
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