Kisses in the Wind

I wish I had written this poem, because it expresses so clearly how I felt during the time when we were searching for you and waiting to bring you home. Here is a little lullaby just for you, Grace...

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child's Lullabye)


I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.


I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.


Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.


May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.


Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.


May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

© Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

My New Friend, Lucas

If Lucas and Grace were 16, Donna and I would both be requiring chaperones anytime they were together...For Grace, she was so excited to see Lucas (who just turned 4), that she tried to hug him and hold his hand the minute that he got out of their van. I think Lucas was a little surprised and not too sure what to think of her, but it didn't take long before he asked Grace to sit next to him on the bench to watch the monkeys, and they were holding hands as they walked around the zoo. It was so adorable.

When we first headed to the playground, Grace wanted to swing (her favorite part of the playground) and Lucas wanted to climb, but eventually the two were chasing each other up the steps, over the platform and down the tube slide. Grace was so tickled at how Lucas was going down the slide backwards and sideways that she layed right down on the ground to reinact it. Then she sat between Donna and I as she tried to pretend to be a grown up, but that only lasted a few seconds. Lucas really wanted to play with Grace and when she headed back to the swings, he saved a climber for her and stood there yelling her name until she finally came back to play. Then later, Lucas (Grace called him Luka) noticed when the two swings were open and saved one just for Grace since she liked them so much. Ahhhh, what a sweetie! It was so nice to talk to Donna, too.  I am glad that I took this time off, but I really miss spending time with adults....

It was time to go home after a couple of hours, and it was obvious that neither of the kids wanted to go. Lucas sat on one of the "rock" benches and pouted. Grace walked over to tell him, "It's okay," and put her hands on his face to comfort him while he just pouted a little more because he seemed to like her sympathy. When Grace bent over, looked right at his face, and  kissed him on the lips, though, Lucas's eyes got really big. It was really funny watching them today, but I think Donna will need to take Lucas home and warn him about agressive girls like Grace, and we are going to have to figure out how to curb her "friendliness" before she turns 16! As Gracie would say, "Oh my goodness!"

Adam is My Brother!

I, well "we" is probably more accurate, babysat for Billy Rockey's children, Eli and Jillian, today. From the moment they arrived, Grace was fascinated with Eli, who is 7 months old, and frequently competed with Jillian. It was hysterical watching Gracie and Jillian argue over which color paint each would use, who would sit at the little table, which person would flush the toilet, and which books to read first. But, the best argument of all was over Eli. Gracie decided he was "mine" baby, and Jillian would have nothing to do with that. With great pride Jillian said over and over, "No, Eli is my brother!" Grace looked over at me and I told her the truth..."Eli is Jillian's brother, not Gracie's. Adam is your brother." Then the argument went something like this...

Gracie: Adam is mine brother!
Jillian: Eli is my brother!
Gracie: Adam is not your brother. Mine!"
Jillian: Eli is my brother! Eli is my brother!

After hearing this off and on for about 30 minutes and distracting the girls with snacks and a Curious George episode, Adam walked in the front door and Grace started jumping up and down and following him down the hallway saying, "Adam is mine brother. Adam, pick me up. No your brother. Mine." Of course, Adam was completely unaware of his increased value to Grace at that moment, and Jillian went immediately to claim Eli with a hug. I didn't hear the brother argument the rest of the day.

Grace begged to help with Eli all day, and I kept wondering if this was what she saw the grown-ups doing in the orphanage. She wanted to hold him, give him toys, report on when he needed to blow his nose, and even climbed into her big bed alone for her nap so that I could rock the baby when he was fussy right before his nap. When we changed his diaper, she brought me the wipes and powder, too, and wanted to fasten the tabs on the diapers. I was worried that it would bother her to see me holding a baby, but it didn't phase her at all.

 
Watching other children really helps me to get a handle on Grace's development. I noticed today that Jillian is much more independent with the bathroom than Grace, but when asked to share, Grace really had an easier time with this than Jillian. If I asked her to share, she would do it without too much fuss. Of course, Grace is two years older and was used to sharing everything in the orphanage. Jillian wanted to paint with every color in the box and use every paintbrush. Grace chose her 3 favorite colors, used them one at a time, and washed her brush in between each color. She hates messes. Grace let Jillian paint at the table while she painted on the floor, with no complaints except when Jillian walked through the middle of her painting accidentally. The girls shared the puzzles, Play-Doh, beachball, crayons, legos, tricycle, beads to string, Nuudles for paper plate pictures, and dolls. Usually, they wanted to stay with a task for about the same length of time, but Jillian finished both Nuudle pictures because Grace didn't like having sticky fingers and lost interest. Jillian also was much more attentive to the Curious George movie, since Grace really doesn't care for TV much at all. Most of the time they played and had great fun, but both of the girls wanted to boss the other around once in a while, and it was obvious that they both wanted to get their own way. Hmmm...Is this a girl thing, or a developmental stage? Adam says Grace is just a typical girl. Can you hear the sarcasm in this comment?

Word of the Day: Diarrhea

I should have anticipated it after Grace went to sleep at 8:30 pm and slept until 10:00 a.m, complained that her tummy hurt, and had horrible gas last night. This was the first time that she has had an "aka" accident since we picked her up. Her bottom looks like it was burned with a hot iron, the pajamas and bed sheets all needed to be changed, and I have Febreezed the entire house today. As Gracie has been saying all day, "Oh my goodness. Gracie has diarrhea on her bottom!" Then she goes on to explain that she wants to tell Adam, Daddy, and everybody, and wants to pull down her pants to display the owies...We still haven't learned about modesty. We practiced last night and today on how to call for Mommy from her bedroom, but it is hard to break orphanage habits. When I first woke her up, I could really tell that she was worried about the mess and did not anticipate that someone would help her during the night. Her sad little face was just too heart-breaking. We will practice again and again with the hope that someday she will actually call for me from her room without expecting to get in trouble. It will be an exciting day when she finally embraces and understands that she can come to us for help anytime. We are here and anxious to help. Today might have actually been a chance to demonstrate that love in a practical way... Thank you God for loving us and helping us even when we don't call on you.

What an Interesting Day!

We started the morning by watching Vince start a 13 mile, mini marathon. Then we ate breakfast at the hotel and checked out. In typical form, Vince told us he hoped to finish in 1 hour and 44 minutes and came in at 1 hour and 32 minutes, exactly 2 minutes before we arrived to watch the finish. Way to go, Vince! Then after sandwiches at Subway we headed for Kay Montes' home while Grace slept for the entire trip trying to make up for the early wake up. Kay Montes has been so important in our adoption journey, has 3 children who were adopted from Bulgaria, and guided us through the entire adoption journey as the international coordinator for Tree of Life Adoption Agency. I was really nervous getting ready to meet her, but there was really no need because the entire family was sweet and welcoming.

Her husband Brad, Josiah, Mattea, Aleah, and Joel all met us at the car along with several of their large, white Pyrenees dogs. Of course, Gracie crawled up toward Mark's shoulders and we headed inside. The family had a virtual menagerie and Grace was able to touch the black bunnies, pet a couple of smaller dogs, and sit on a horse in between swinging and blowing bubbles with the other children. Their home is literally a petting zoo as my best estimation of the animal population is: 3 Pyrennes dogs, 4 dachshunds, 4 other dogs, 8 cats, 2 house bunnies, 6 horses, some goats, ducks, several breeds of chickens, and some peacocks. Josiah carried Grace around most of the time, changed her shoes, and helped her to feel like a little princess. Kay blessed us with a homemade guacamole and chili lunch, showed us her home office space, and even was persuaded to pose for a couple of pictures. I have to say that our visit was completely different than I had anticipated. Her children, even the teenagers, seemed excited to see us, and the children were thoroughly fascinated with Grace's appearance (not Roma as they had anticipated), extra shoes, and our van. Except for one tennis shoe that was chewed by their special needs dog, the day was a total success. My allergies were manageable because I spent a good part of the visit outdoors blowing bubbles and pushing Grace on one of the swings, but I was really ready to change clothes for the ride home, because I am not much of an animal-lover and cat hair really brings on the sneezing and wheezing. We finally left for home around 6:00 pm and Grace was so tired that she slept in the car seat.

Somehow the potted lilly and card don't seem like enough thank you for someone who has done so much for our family. I will be forever grateful to her for the time she spent helping us to decipher the medical reports, preparing the documents for our dossier, and encouraging us during the weeks of waiting. Her work truly impacts so many children and families around the US and she does all of it as a contract worker who I am sure is not being compensated adequately for her important role. May God richly bless her and and prepare an amazing reward in heaven for her time, influence, and generous heart.

Before the race... and the reinactment after missing the end of the race!

 
Joel, Josiah, Mattea, Aleah, and Gracie

Three Bulgarian beauties!

Thank you, Kay, for helping Mommy and Daddy find me!

Privacy Concern: Who should read this blog?

Important!!! Please read this post!!!

Dear friends,

In this age of Facebook, blogs, and open information sharing, I have struggled with how much information should actually be shared with people outside of my family and friends. Who should know about our struggles, who should have access to Grace's medical problems, who can be trusted to react with love when I share my feelings? Today those issues smacked me in the face...

While I was eating lunch, I started talking to the mother of a previous student, who became a friend of mine during the year when her child was in my class. I was thrilled to see her again and to introduce her to Grace, but  I became concerned when she told me that "one of my friends" had given her access to this blog by sharing an email and password. No, I do not know who it was who gave out that information, and I don't feel that this person would use the information inappropriately... As often happens, at first I was only slightly surprised to know that she was reading the blog, but as I left the restaurant, the situation continued gnawing at me...You see, I purposely made this blog private, by invitation, so that I could be completely open and honest with people whom I trust, maintain a record for Grace of her growth and progress, and still protect the privacy of both Grace and my family. In addition, I have freely shared her private medical history on the blog, which I do not wish to make open to the general public. Now, I really don't know what to do. Temporarily I have saved all previous posts from view in hopes that privacy issues will be corrected and I can return the blog to previous form in a couple of weeks...

I didn't really think about privacy much until today, because I thought the 38 people who have been given access to this blog, were the only ones reading it. Now I realize that this friend may have shared with others, and it is possible that uninvited guests may be reading about our family. True, many people feel comfortable sharing personal details via the Internet, and yes, I also occasionally post on Facebook (with the tightest privacy settings in place), but if you are my friend on Facebook you know that I am purposely more vague as the audience becomes larger and my trust circle evaporates.
If you were the sharer of your password, I don't need a confession, I only ask that you reset your login and password to reestablish the privacy I requested in the first place and to keep others from accessing the blog with your old password in the future. Then please think about how you handled the personal information with which you were entrusted. Some day, Grace and I will want to know that the history in this blog was a blessing to her, our family, and friends and that it was not shared indiscriminantly or in a way that could cause her any future embarrassment.

Thank you for honoring this request even if you don't agree with it, and feel free to send me an email if you know of someone who would like to read this blog in the future. That way, I can determine whether I want to share with them or not.

Thank you again and check back in a few weeks when privacy has hopefully been reestablished,
Gail Dunham

The Indianapolis Children's Museum

Grace liked the Indianapolis Children's Museum as much as the boys did years ago, except she definitely had different favorites than the boys...the Barbie Experience and Bob the Builder topped her list right below the public restroom! Grace was really fascinated by the big dinosaur that was "stuck and couldn't get out," the wheelbarrows she could push around in Bob the Builder, and combing the manequins' hair in the Barbie experience as well as the climbing activities, water, and sand which the boys also loved. In Bob the Builder, she even hammered a few nails into a block of wood, smashed her own finger, and made "tuk, tuk" sound effects. It was fun watching her interact with the other children who seemed very agressive and pushy for much of the day. Grace kept looking over at us when the children would push in front of her, and we tried to give encouragement and assistance only when she couldn't handle the situation on her own. Finally after several children pushed in line in front of her to climb into the tree house, I stepped up and said,  "Okay, Gracie, it is your turn now," because she was getting frustrated, but she climbed right into the "underground" tunnels and even came down an alternate slide that we didn't know was there and found us waiting around the other side. She became more comfortable with the other children and more assertive as the day progressed. She kept telling us, "No going home now," when we were heading to a different exhibit.

Grace has an amazing amount of confidence for only being here for a few months. She walked around all over and didn't seem concerned at all about getting lost, which is good and bad. We really wanted her to explore so we just followed her most of the day. She would look back for us if she couldn't see us, and she said, "Come here," quite often to show us what she found. One of her favorite attractions was the toddler-friendly bathroom. They had a toddler stall, toddler sink, soap dispenser, towel dispenser, mirror, etc. and Grace told everybody in the bathroom that it was hers. "Mine" is probably her favorite word right now.

When it was time to leave, she walked away from us and headed up the big yellow staircase. She wanted to stay and told us, "Go play, no go home." We had to threaten to make her "sedni" sit instead of using her favorite bathroom again before we left, and kept talking about how we were going to see Vince. She said, "Vince and Gracie play the guitara. Today. No tomorrow. Today...with Vince." This is her way of asking a question, so she looked at us and waited to see if we would agree. Finally she lwent to the bathroom and left when we told her that we would come back again if she was a really good girl. Of course, her response was, "Tomorrow!" and we had to tell her, "No...not tomorrow...later." Although she didn't like it, she left without a tantrum even though she had to have been exhausted from the day and made it clear that she was unhappy.

We met Vince at Fazoli's for his pre-race carb loading supper, and Grace loved trying to put her headband on Vince's head. Then he took us to his room to play his "guitara" and even let her use Jake's ukelele so they could play together. Vince is such a wonderful friend and advocate of Christian community that his dorm room has an extra bunk, and he has never used the option of a private room that RA's are allowed. He is going to be a great social worker or minister because he has such a heart for people. His gentle nature when he is with Grace is precious.

Vince headed to the library to gather supplies for a paper he needs to write, and we headed back early to the hotel so he could get a good night's sleep before his big race. This will be our last visit to IWU since Vince is graduating, but I am so happy he is moving back to the area. Adam has been looking for an apartment, so it looks like the two will be living together with another friend in a three bedroom townhouse near the Decatur airport. I think it will be hard for Blaise to head back in the fall since his brothers will both be staying here, and we haven't told Grace yet that she won't get to eat breakfast with Adam anymore...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm a momma dinosaur....Grrrrr..... 

The dinosaur is stuck!

 

 

Thank you, Jake, for letting me play your ukelele!

Dr. Scherer and Riley Children's Hospital

After driving to Indy last night, we were still 5 minutes late for our appointment at Riley Children's Hospital. Even though we were told twice that we would receive a packet in the mail, we did not get any information and we didn't realize that there are no signs for Riley, rather UPCUI, or something like that...After stopping twice for directions and avoiding the road construction, we finally parked in a nearby parking garage, cut through a construction area where I was scolded for walking too close to an orange cone, and found the desk to check in.

A very nervous medical student examined Grace first and then consulted with Dr. Scherer. Apparently, he is not an orthopedic surgeon, which was what our doctor's office told us. He is a pediatric surgeon who actually performs the corrective procedures for her chest abnormality. We still need to be referred to an orthopedic surgeon who will have to collaborate with Dr. Scherer in the future. He asked us if she was born with this abnormality, which we had never before considered. We had assumed she always had it. Apparently, he thinks it may have been caused by her handling as a preemie. She is too young to try any corrective procedures, but he said that in about 2 years, when she can understand and "buy into" wearing a brace, he will try to put her in an apparatus to push the protrusion on her left side inward. The right side is concave slightly, but he anticipates that the brace may help to correct both sides. If not she will need surgery to correct it around age 10. The surgeon also noticed scoliosis in her spine between her shoulder blades which will need to be examined and monitored by a pediatric orthopedist. If the scoliosis progresses and requires intervention, the chest abnormality would need to be addressed first, so we will probably see another specialist at Riley to facilitate collaboration between the two doctors. The doctor also asked if she had ever had an echocardiogram to check her heart function since the scoliosis, hyperflexibility, chest abnormality, and mention of "low connective tissue values" in her chart could all be part of a rare syndrome that would show up as enlargement of her heart valves and tissues. When we told him no, he scheduled one before we left the center. Mark loved watching the technician and Grace got to hear the way that her heart sounded as the blood rushed through it. Even though the doctor was supposed to call us with the results, the secretary handed them to us as we left because everything was normal. What a relief!

It is amazing how Grace impacts people wherever she goes. The sonographer took Grace in to the office to meet the staff who gave her a puzzle to take home. Then she saw a boy in a fancy new electric wheelchair in the waiting room and stopped to talk to him. She asked him if it went fast, if he had a license so he could drive, and if she could drive it when she was a big girl. Her fascination as she touched the wheels and walked around the shiny, black chair brought a smile to the teenage boy's face. He was so proud to talk to her about his new chair, and she gave him a fist bump when he held out his curled hand to leave. She has such a joyous loving heart

We originally planned to hit the Children's Museum today and the Zoo tomorrow, but Mark and Gracie were really exhausted, so instead we went back to the hotel for a swim and a short nap. Grace loves being in the water even when it is rather cold, and she went under the water over and over while she shivered and squealed.

Right when we were getting ready to meet Vince for supper, he called to tell us that one of his friends had been rushed to the hospital and had asked for him to go. We sent him on his way and headed the hour to Marion. Apparently, his friend had a concussion but was being released, so he was able to meet us later on for supper. Grace was so glad to meet him and some of his friends. She really missed her brother, and I think he liked seeing her, too.  It is hard to believe that he will graduate in only a couple of months and will enter the world of working. He will start working for the Early Head Start program in Decatur in June as a 0-3 yr. old teacher. He will be wonderful, after he figures out how to change those diapers...

The new IWU chapel!

 

A Shivery Shower

After planting the flowers and garden plants today, we got out the new sprinkler attachment that Gracie brought home from the man at the Farmer's Market. It's a good thing that it was in the 80's today, because the shower of water was just too tempting to put just on the flowers. Gracie held the hose over her own head, hid behind Daddy while Mommy chased her, and squealed with delight. Soaked and shivering, she headed in for a warm bath and kept announcing, "Gracie silly. Take a shower with mine clothes on...he, he, he...."

Bonding Breakthrough

Most people who know us have been great about respecting our "no holding or feeding" rule for Gracie, but strangers just think it is fine to pick up a friendly child without giving it a thought. It doesn't offend me, because I might have done the same thing only a few months ago without even thinking about it, but we try to intervene immediately as soon as someone picks her up who isn't family. Today Gracie gave a different, and more healthy, reaction to being held by a stranger than we have seen in the past. It gave me hope that her friendliness is just part of her charming, outgoing personality, not a sign of indiscriminate attachment.

We went to the Farmer's Market and since only a few people were there, Gracie was looking around in the aisles near us and telling us all of the flower colors..."Look, yellow flowers.  Mommy Daddy yellow!" She noticed one other family with two children, walked up to them and said, "I'm with mine Mommy and Daddy. No mine Mommy and Daddy," and shook her head. Then she noticed a man in a large brimmed hat, Phil, watering the flowers with a shower-like hose and walked over to watch him. He talked to her and even gave her a little spray nozzle to take home. After chatting for a few minutes, Grace started telling him that she wanted to spray the water, and he reached down and picked her up in his arm. Usually, Grace would just keep on talking and try to get even more attention, but not today. She immediately looked around for me, wiggled to face away from him, and stuck her thumb in her mouth. She was very uncomfortable. I walked a few steps over to where they were standing, and she instantly reached out for me to take her away from him. She spent the next 5 minutes sucking her thumb with her head snubbled against my shoulder while I held her and talked to her. I wish I knew what she was thinking...I know for sure, though, that she felt uncomfortable with a stranger and knew that Mommy would make her feel safe. She stayed really close to us for the rest of the time.

I know it probably sounds a little selfish to be happy that she was uncomfortable, but it is so important for her to understand that she can't trust everyone in the world. By recognizing that this man was unfamiliar, she was acknowledging that I am familiar...I think that is what bonding is all about--realizing where you belong and who you can count on. Looking back at our trip home from Bulgaria, when she tried to get every other mother in the airport to pick her up, she has made amazing progress.

Blaise, Puddles, and Big Beds

Grace is a great little traveler...As long as we stop at least once every 2 hours, she doesn't even complain. On the way to Oxford, Mississippi she built a house out of small legos (her first attempt with the tiny little blocks), covered two pieces of paper with stickers that she put into rows, looked at a couple of books, sang along with her English and Bulgarian CD's, laced up two sewing cards, and snacked. She was so excited to see Blaise that she kept telling us that she was going to see Blaise running today.

Since it was so hot and sunny, we stopped at Walmart and found a cute pink and blue sun hat to take with us and covered Grace with some SPF 55 sunscreen. She loves to imitate sounds, so we kept hearing all day that she wanted to "Pskkksssskkk..." as she pretended to spray sunscreen on herself. She was so happy to see Blaise, but she really didn't care much about watching him run the 1500 meters or the 4 x 400. She wanted him to take her to see the bus he rode on and wanted to run with him. She was especially curious about the bus after Blaise told her that he didn't drive the bus, George did. Of course, her mouth dropped open and she laughed. "George no drive the bus. Too little. No keys." She thought George was Curious George her favorite little monkey.

Later in the day, we watched as Blaise carried her away toward the woods and the bus. We realized that as she walked away with him so nonchalantly that this was the first time that anyone had taken her somewhere without us. Mark and I both realized it at about the same time and he said, "I'm not so sure that I like it." He watched and watched for her to come back and was thrilled when she ran up to tell him all about Blaise's bus that didn't have any seatbelts.

The bus wasn't really the highlight of the day, though. Gracie loved the puddle and boys splashing. This track has the steeple pit on the outside of the regular track area and the pit overflowed onto the sidewalk to make a relatively clean little puddle across the sidewalk. At first, Grace was afraid to even walk through it, but then she discovered she could stomp, kick the water to get people wet, and run back and forth. Blaise even picked her up and told her he was going to put her head in the puddle, which just tickled her. She liked the puddle even more after watching the steeplechasers splashing through the pit. By 8:30 when the meet was over, her shoes and socks were still soaked.

We packed the entire toddler bed in the back of the van again, but Grace wanted to sleep in the big bed on the second night, so we put the chair backs along one side and a row of pillows on the other. Except for waking up with her head at the foot of the bed, she did great, and she thought she was a really big girl for sleeping in the big bed next to Mommy and Daddy. I guess we won't have to pack the toddler bed anymore...

Bossy Bessy

It certainly doesn't take children long to learn the concept of ownership..."My" and "mine" are the most frequent words out of Grace's mouth right now. She opens her closet looks at all of the clothes and tells us, "Mine clothes, not Mommy Daddy's," she worries about "my playground" getting wet in the rain, and she tells us "Mine. I'll do it" and "I do it by myself" all day long. Her newest accomplishments are that she can open the sliding door on the van, push the door back until it latches open, get into her carseat alone, and fasten the 5-point harness. Now we have to allow an extra 5 minutes to get everywhere we go if we don't want to here the grumbling baby sounds from the back seat. She also gets more frustrated with her inability to take care of all of her needs independently. She can climb on the toilet in Mommy's bathroom without having her shoes on, but she gets aggravated at bedtime when she is not quite tall enough in her slipper feet. She doesn't like her sippy cup, because she can't get the lid off by herself to get water from the refrigerator door. Grace changes where she wants to sit at the table daily, wants to hold her own hairdryer, and continues to tell us that she wants to drive the car (which is already a frightening thought)! She wants to have her picture on a license, too, and loves to look at ours. To try to reduce her annoyed grumbling and encourage her to talk, Mark and I try not to respond until she asks nicely. Sometimes to remind her we will say, "Hmmm, Daddy, do you hear a baby crying?" and we will look around for one. Grace always smiles and asks for what she wants in response. Then she tells us, "No, aaaaaaauuuuhhhh! No baby." I can tell she is feeling more comfortable with us, because she is not as concerned about keeping us happy all the time. She is strong-willed and opinionated. Mark says she fits just perfectly into our family.

Last week, she really seems to have learned most of her colors by association. She tells us, "Like a schoolbus...It's yellow" and "Stop, dogs, stop. The light is RED now...It's red." She knows that "the grass is green and the sky is blue," Daddy's truck is purple, snow is white, and George is brown. Now she watches the traffic lights while we are driving and tells us whether we can go or stop. "Stop, Daddy, the light is red now!" which will be cute for another week or so...

She saw hail and petted a dog for the first time with Daddy, too. She didn't like thunder, but Daddy took her out to the screened porch and made a game out of laughing at the loud noises and she was fine. She was amazed at how cold the chunks of ice were in her hands and told Adam about the ice in the grass. After finally touching the tail end of our neighbors miniature schnauzer she now announces how much she likes "little doggies." She loves watching dogs, but still frets about them biting her fingers and getting into our fenced yard. We saw some packs of large dogs in Bulgaria and were warned to stay away from them, so I'm guessing that the children were taught to be afraid. She also has been talking about "tigers" and "bugs" lately. She tells me to "shut the door big" to her room so the bugs can't get in, and she says "the tigers are coming" when it is dark. I don't want to give credence to her fears, so I always just laugh and say, "There aren't any tigers in here...Mommy wouldn't let any tigers in the house" and tickle her. That's usually all she needs.

Grace models everything I do, but prefers Daddy if he is around. Every morning when I open the blinds to get Miss Sleepy Head awake she asks, "Where's Daddy?" and when I usually say that he is at work her response is always that "Daddy works all the time." As soon as he walks into the door in the afternoon, she is attached to his hip and he doesn't mind it a bit. They get the mail, pick up sticks, pretend to drive the car, and fix (imaginary and real) things with the screwdriver. It is so sweet to watch him interacting with her that I find that I continue to fall in love with him in new ways everyday. He was a great dad to Adam, Blaise, and Vince, but he is so relaxed and protective with Gracie. He really is a wonderful father, and I love him more every day.

I'm 49!

I can't really explain why, but I've never really liked celebrating birthdays--not just my own, but any birthdays. I can remember dreading birthdays as far back as age 16. Okay, so I don't like change too much. The boys will tell you that they had only a few birthday parties that included more than extended family during their lives because that was what I was used to from my childhood and somehow a houseful of kids, decorations, treat bags, and games just didn't seem like an enjoyable way for anyone to spend an afternoon. Especially since I am around crowds of children all day long as a teacher. So, it was humerous this year that the boys gave me my favorite flowers, lilies, and Adam gave me trendy clothes the day before my birthday "just because he wanted to." Not for my birthday or anything.

Mark and Grace, however, marked the day with dinner out and a Precious Moments figurine called Mommy and Me. It features a little girl holding a drawing of herself holding hands with her mommy. It was darling, but not as memorable even as the card from Grace. Mark had Grace record her voice yelling, "I love you, Mommy. As te obichem" into the card, so that when I opened it I heard her sweet voice. I loved it, but Grace was so excited about it that she opened it for me and played it again and again. I'll never forget the expression on her face as she jumped around with excitement. Grace so often reminds me how wonderful and amazing life is and how thankful we should be for the little things that God gives us every day, even birthdays...

Easter Sunday

I was in charge of getting Grace ready for church today because Mark was singing on Praise Team. She was so exhausted from yesterday that I literally had to pick her up out of bed and carry her to the bathroom. She looked so cute for church even though the tights I bought were way too big and I kept pulling them up so they didn't look like granny socks. We went upstairs to the new video venue for service since Mark was singing there for second service and Grace swayed to the music and did everything Daddy did during service including raising her hands and closing her eyes. My heart and my eyes overflowed this morning as I watched her trying to be just like Daddy. I have been truly blessed.

Larry and Terri joined us for burgers and hot dogs on the grill, played with the ball in the backyard, and even watched Grace hunt for Easter eggs in the front yard. Tonight she learned to drop the ball and kick it, so we keep hearing her narrate with, "Drop...kick!" During this egg hunt however, the absolute favorite gift was a plastic bucket and sand toys that she claimed as "mine" immediately. In fact she dug up the mulch in the front yard for about 20 minutes without making a sound. I kept wondering what she was thinking the whole time. Did she remember, as I did, the yellow bucket and shovel from Bulgaria? Did she miss the other children and "aunties" who were her family for 5 years? Was she thinking..."Wow, I wish they had sand here instead of these wood chips? We really need to get her some sand.

Grandma and Grandpa's Easter

Thanks to Aunt Terri, Grace knew all about Peter Cottontail as portrayed in her musical book, and she understood about dying eggs from the "Dry Hair" epidsode of Curious George. So, when we mentioned coloring Easter eggs while Grandma was finishing the ham and potatoes for lunch, Grace new exactly what to do. Except for one dropped on the floor and a few splashes as she plunked the eggs into the vinegar water, we ended up with a couple dozen beautiful eggs. All of Grace's eggs were solid colors, with purple as her favorite, but Adam and Grandpa pulled out the waxy crayons and rubber bands for original custom designs. Grandpa even made a special Bulgarian egg that had red, white, and green stripes to represent the Bulgarian flag.

When we were stuffed with ham, cheesy potatoes, green beans, strawberry layered jello, pie, and olives (Grace loves the black olives just like Mommy and ate at least 10....) the back yard was filled with goodies from the Easter Bunny. Grace, Adam, and Andy headed out for the traditional hunt while cameras clicked and Grandma Wharram watched from the patio chair. Adam and Andy were unusually civilized with no diving, tackling, or bag snatching (which have at one time or another been part of hunts with the three brothers). Grace thought the Little Kitty socks that were hung on the trees were silly, passed up most of the candy and put the eggs, juice boxes, and chocolate bunnies into her big Easter basket just like she had seen in her book at home. Joy filled her eyes when she saw the best gift of all, the rubber alphabet ball, on the patio. So we had to hold it for her just so she would finish hunting.

We really missed seeing Uncle Roger, Aunt Jill, Paige, and Mark, but it was still a wonderful Easter with my side of the family. Every year I wonder if it will be the last one with Grandma Wharram, who is 99, so seeing her sitting at the window watching Grace kick and throw the ball was priceless. She was really confused for much of the day, couldn't understand why I was sitting by another man (Adam) during dinner instead of next to my husband, and was worried that people were going to leave her alone, but she enjoyed watching "the little girl" so much and even held her on her lap. Grace reciprocated with absolutely no reservation, too. It was as if the oldest and youngest members of the family had know each other all along and loved each other instantly. Grandma enjoyed Grace's boundless energy and Grace marveled at Grandma's walker and wanted to help her. Perhaps with Grandma's dementia, she is also a 5 year old in many ways...