Everytime that I try to start this blog I am faced with the dilemma of where to begin. Should I start with our miscarriages, the homestudy fiasco that took a year and three social workers to complete, the country changes from Vietnam to China to Bulgaria, the USCIS cancellation of our I-600a petition because of missing documentation from our homestudy agency, the personal phone call from the Orphan Officer telling us they had made an error and were sending the I-171h, or the first time that we saw our little Gracie's face and realized that she was supposed to be our daughter...the little girl who was laid on our hearts years ago and has been waiting for us to find her now for more than four years.
This journey to finding God's Grace reminds me of the saying: When God closes a door, He opens a window somewhere. Well, we definitely know what it is like to have the doors slammed closed. In fact, I still find myself wondering if any day now the rules will change or someone will decide they can find a better family for her, and she won't even know that we already love her. I wonder when she will be told that on the other side of the world, a family is praying for her to be healthy and loved until we can bring her home. I wonder how it is possible to love a child that only exists in a few fuzzy photographs, a nine minute video, and our dreams. Then I am reminded of watching the sonograms of our three grown sons and how I fell in love with the little pictures that only showed their outlines, and it doesn't seem so strange after all. I loved Adam, Blaise, and Vince because they were ours, and when we requested to adopt Gracie she became ours, too.
It really doesn't matter if it makes sense to add a child to our family financially...we couldn't afford our first three children either. It doesn't matter that we will be "older than the hills" when she graduates from high school...we are the youngest parents she will ever know. And it doesn't matter to us what medical problems she may face. As parents, we know that every child brings challenges and joys, frustrations and blessings. Children are mysterious surprises...The only thing that really matters is that she needs parents and we want another child. We will figure out the rest as we go.
