After having such a wonderful day yesterday, today did not go very well. When we arrived, Gracie seemed tired and totally disinterested in us. We thought she was getting sick, but she kept yawning, so we think that we just wore her out yesterday. The orphanage has scheduled our visits outside with her all the time, but they really don't want us to interact with the other children because it disrupts the routine. All the children want to hug us and talk to us. Gracie didn't want to play with us at all. She wanted to play with her friends (who are all out with their group at the same time we are there) or by herself. She talked to Rose some and we pushed her on the swing, but that was it. Her best friend loved the playdoh and punched out paper dolls, but Gracie did not. She did like being measured and played with the measuring tape for awhile, but she didn't want playdoh, crayons, the beachball, a book, cookies or even the water today. She ignored us (and she isn't a teenager, yet!)
Well, this afternoon was better because the other kids were inside, and she started bonding. She was cuddly, gave a lot of kisses and wanted to be held...just not by us. She spent most of the afternoon interacting with the translator, Rose. She is young, cute, fun and speaks Bulgarian so she has a lot of advantages over us. Rose held her a lot and Gracie kept asking to sit on her lap and taking Rose toys to play with. We could see Gracie's sweet personality, but it was disappointing, too, because Rose will be there everyday for the rest of the week. Gracie patted her face and just loved on her. She is a really sweet little girl. She really loves to play in the sand, too. She fills the bucket and dumps in out over and over. We have been told that a child can only bond with one person at a time, and so we may not really get much of a chance for bonding until we pick her up on the next trip.
We tried taking new activities for her today, and we went to a toy store and bought her stacking/nesting boxes for tomorrow. She really liked putting the crayons in the box and dumping them out, so we are hoping she will like them. We also found out that the orphanage director is not coming in at all this week, so we won't get to meet her. The paperwork for the adoption had our name spelled wrong on it and was for the wrong US immigration petition, too. The good news is that we are grandfathered under the old paperwork which usually moves faster and it should still all be ready to sign while we are here. This is good news.
We got some photos developed today of Gracie with us to add to her photo album, rode the train downtown, walked around the city historical district and went to the City Center Mall. My feet are tired.
I just wanted to write to encourage you...I know it must have been disappointing for you after your great visit on Monday, but don't take it to heart. She may be sensing that something very dramatic and life-changing is going on and feeling somewhat insecure, pulling back to the things she knows and feels comfortable with. If it helps, you could think of it as her saying goodbye to Rose.
ReplyDeleteHer caretakers at the orphanage have been very good to her, but you guys are the best. You will give her the love and the life she never could have had staying where she is.
These visits with you and Mark are so important because in a few months, even though she's been told all her life that getting a family is the best thing that could ever happen to her, and her caretakers are doing everything they can to show her how awesome it is that you're adopting her, you'll be moving her out of the only home she's ever known. You'll be taking her to a better life than she ever could have imagined for herself with a great home and a loving family, but the change still has to be unsettling for her.
When she gets to her new home, YOU will be the people around her who are familiar to her, and that help her cope with the initial insecurities of the unfamiliar place where her bed is different, the food is different and no one speaks a language she can understand. I really believe that will be your time of incredible bonding.
She obviously has a very loving personality--she'll be your sweet cuddly daughter before you know it.
Larry
Thank you for the encouraging words, Larry. Yes, this is a very challenging time for Gracie as everything familiar is changing. Rose, however, is our translator and she had never met Gracie until Monday on our first visit. I think that is why it was so disappointing...
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