When I woke up this morning, I turned off the alarm and saw that Mark had already left for church since he has to sing at all three services. I got all dressed in my red, white and blue and left for the 9:30 service. It wasn't until I pulled into the Glad Tidings parking lot and noticed that there were no cars there that I realized today was Saturday! Mark was at work. And right there, I just turned off the van and sobbed. The "waves" during the last three days have been so stressful...the adrenaline and excitement of preparing to leave in 4 days, then the disappointment of learning that we still don't have a travel date, trying to figure out how to complete three assignments for my master's class before we left (about 35 typed pages), planning and preparing for a Fourth of July cookout at our house, worrying about an email I shouldn't have sent, getting almost no sleep for two days, and still being wife and mom. We could have been getting on a plane headed for Bulgaria, but I was sitting in an empty parking lot instead.
I have had a lot of practice in acting calm in the middle of a storm, but today...I was overwhelmed. I cried off and on all day. Even the boys knew I was out of sorts and I think it worried them, too. On days like today, the adoption journey feels like you are floating on a tiny raft in the middle of huge ocean waves, all alone, without a life jacket. You start paddling in one direction just hoping that you are going in the right direction toward shore, but knowing that at any moment one of those waves could destroy your raft and throw you coughing and sputtering into the sea. Today I'm drowning.
I remember the last time that adoption paperwork didn't arrive on time and timelines kept being changed and extended. We got our hopes up and then got a call saying that the Chinese government had decided, "they could find a better family" than ours. And today I realized that the same thing could happen to us again...
Today, I put away all of the suitcases; I put the beautiful little lavender doll and toys in the closet and I didn't watch the video tonight with Mark. I just couldn't...
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Another Delay
Well, after getting crisp bills to take on the trip, contacting the travel agent to schedule flights, scheduling vacation time, emailing the coordinator with questions, calling six toy stores looking for a Gund Kiana doll in stock, reordering the doll to be delivered by overnight express mail (this $13 doll has gotten really expensive), meeting Mark to notarize the new FBI prints and I-171H, contacting our visa card to let them know we will be traveling, calling my parents, making a list of gifts to buy, making "to do" lists for Mark and me, checking the cost of upgrading our Vonage home phone to international rates for 1 month ($10), and being awake most of the night in anticipation, we got another email saying that they aren't going to get our approval letter this week. We aren't leaving in 4 days after all. Now they are saying that we may travel on July 21. Ugh! I was feeling frantic with so much to do, but I had my heart set on leaving this weekend.
This is exactly why international adoption isn't for the faint-hearted. In a second, all of our planning was thrown out the window; emotions plummeted from panicked enthusiasm to tired disappointment. Now, I just feel exhausted...
This is exactly why international adoption isn't for the faint-hearted. In a second, all of our planning was thrown out the window; emotions plummeted from panicked enthusiasm to tired disappointment. Now, I just feel exhausted...
We're Going in 4 Days!
At 1:00 a.m. I was working on my paper for class and noticed that we received an email from Kay Montes, our international adoption coordinator. Here is what it said:
Dear Kay,
We try to understand when MOJ will give us the referral (Information) for Duhnam and they said us that maybe till the end of this week we will have it. Could you ask the family if they could arrive on Sunday - July 4 or Monday July 5 - that's the earlier date. The next date on which the family could arrive is in August. But we will confirm you in few days when we have the referral in our office.
I don't know if they mean Sunday July 5 or Monday July 6 since the days and dates don't match, but either way that would mean we will leave in 3 or 4 days!!!! I feel the panic setting in. We need to do so many things to be ready to go...buy gifts for everyone, get our updated documents apostilled, book flights, pack, make a photo book to leave with her, compile documents to carry with us, and complete three assignments for my master's degree classes that will be due when we are gone. My heart is racing...Could we really see her next week for the first time? Really? God is definitely throwing those doors open. I feel like I am being whisked along and can hardly catch my breath. When God takes control it is a wild ride!
Dear Kay,
We try to understand when MOJ will give us the referral (Information) for Duhnam and they said us that maybe till the end of this week we will have it. Could you ask the family if they could arrive on Sunday - July 4 or Monday July 5 - that's the earlier date. The next date on which the family could arrive is in August. But we will confirm you in few days when we have the referral in our office.
I don't know if they mean Sunday July 5 or Monday July 6 since the days and dates don't match, but either way that would mean we will leave in 3 or 4 days!!!! I feel the panic setting in. We need to do so many things to be ready to go...buy gifts for everyone, get our updated documents apostilled, book flights, pack, make a photo book to leave with her, compile documents to carry with us, and complete three assignments for my master's degree classes that will be due when we are gone. My heart is racing...Could we really see her next week for the first time? Really? God is definitely throwing those doors open. I feel like I am being whisked along and can hardly catch my breath. When God takes control it is a wild ride!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Dolls
We think we have finally found the perfect doll to give to Gracie as a gift on our first trip. We didn't think our parameters were that unusual until we actually started shopping: washable, soft, appropriate for a toddler. It was really hard to decide. Most of the dolls were surface washable only, made noise, had hard faces or bodies,or had rattles and teething rings attached. We wanted something lovable, yet durable. I ordered a doll I found through Baby Age on Amazon last night and I can't wait to see if it really looks like the photos. This one is really cute! Check out the Kiana doll from Gund that we bought. She is dressed in lavendar with brown hair like Gracie! I hope she is really soft...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Dreaming
My mind is constantly considering all possibilities because I don't like being surprised. It's not that I am a pessimist, I just like to be prepared, so I plan. For instance, right now if you go into my closet, the clothes are organized already for our first trip to Bulgaria. I want to travel light, so I am trying to get all of the clothes I pack to go with one color of shoes. :-) I can't get it to work out, though, so I think I'll have to go with 2 instead, black and cream. Just to make sure that everything will fit in my small bag, I packed everything today and weighed the suitcase...23 pounds! Now that is amazing since I usually take five changes of clothes for one overnight stay. Then, I hung everything back up so it won't be wrinkled and made a list of things I still need to purchase.
For clothes, considering the possibilities is a good idea, but some of the other scenarios that I come up with in my mind are troubling. I have been wondering lately about whether we should change her name. Are we just adding extra confusion to a traumatic transition? And, what if she doesn't want to be adopted? Everything and everyone she has ever known will be left behind. She doesn't know what a family is or that she needs better medical care, she will only know that we have changed everything that made her feel secure. And, what if she doesn't like us? Sometimes I imagine her ignoring us during our visit, or screaming when she sees Mark because she is never around men, or hanging on to us and crying when we have to leave her for months while the adoption is being finalized, or screaming through the 10 hour plane trip. What if I don't like her immediately when we meet, or we don't "connect" after all of this anticipation? Will I have the energy to keep up with a four year old? Am I ready for the broad range of emotions that I could feel during this time? Will I ever look in the mirror and ask, "What were you thinking?"
The honest answer is yes, probably. And, most parents would tell you that at some point, when their child was throwing that tantrum in the mall, or the irate driver was yelling because your children were throwing pine cones at cars, or the principal called with a discipline referral, that there were brief times when they also wondered, "What was I thinking?" It is part of being a parent. If we love our children all the time and like them most of the time, we have been pretty successful.
It is funny that I didn't worry about whether my infant sons would like me or whether I would like them...I didn't even think about it. I'm guessing that most mothers don't, and yet many have the "baby blues" and experience negative feelings they didn't anticipate. Did reality fail to meet their high expectations? I hope that considering many of the possibilities will help me be ready for anything. I know that children come to us already programmed with God-given personalities waiting to emerge. By imagining all of the possibilities, I am setting the stage for a time of discovery and allowing Gracie to write her own script. I can't wait to see the show.
For clothes, considering the possibilities is a good idea, but some of the other scenarios that I come up with in my mind are troubling. I have been wondering lately about whether we should change her name. Are we just adding extra confusion to a traumatic transition? And, what if she doesn't want to be adopted? Everything and everyone she has ever known will be left behind. She doesn't know what a family is or that she needs better medical care, she will only know that we have changed everything that made her feel secure. And, what if she doesn't like us? Sometimes I imagine her ignoring us during our visit, or screaming when she sees Mark because she is never around men, or hanging on to us and crying when we have to leave her for months while the adoption is being finalized, or screaming through the 10 hour plane trip. What if I don't like her immediately when we meet, or we don't "connect" after all of this anticipation? Will I have the energy to keep up with a four year old? Am I ready for the broad range of emotions that I could feel during this time? Will I ever look in the mirror and ask, "What were you thinking?"
The honest answer is yes, probably. And, most parents would tell you that at some point, when their child was throwing that tantrum in the mall, or the irate driver was yelling because your children were throwing pine cones at cars, or the principal called with a discipline referral, that there were brief times when they also wondered, "What was I thinking?" It is part of being a parent. If we love our children all the time and like them most of the time, we have been pretty successful.
It is funny that I didn't worry about whether my infant sons would like me or whether I would like them...I didn't even think about it. I'm guessing that most mothers don't, and yet many have the "baby blues" and experience negative feelings they didn't anticipate. Did reality fail to meet their high expectations? I hope that considering many of the possibilities will help me be ready for anything. I know that children come to us already programmed with God-given personalities waiting to emerge. By imagining all of the possibilities, I am setting the stage for a time of discovery and allowing Gracie to write her own script. I can't wait to see the show.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Searching for Information
I love investigating. Since I can't really DO anything except wait, I search. So far I have found a nonprofit organization that works with several orphanages in Bulgaria. Of course, I also found a listing of orphanages and their addresses and Ivan Rilski must be as common as Abraham Lincoln. At least three different orphanages are named Ivan Rilski. So of course, I tried to find the addresses on Live Search so I could see if any of them had a park nearby that looked like the one in our video, with no success. I also have found several Sofia Webcams, read through every travelogue I can find, checked out the hotels, mapped the gold brick scenic route through Sofia, downloaded a currency converter, checked out the Lonely Planet Bulgaria book from the library and downloaded three different language programs. We also ordered the Bulgarian Phrases CD that is made just for adoptive parents. Now, I walk around trying to have conversations with myself using the 25 phrases that I can speak in Bulgarian. I'll be fine as long as Gracie knows the exact same 25 phrases.
We also watch the video of Gracie together everyday. Usually Mark pulls it up right before he goes to bed and I sit on his knee to watch with him. We laugh at the same parts every time and have several phrases that she says memorized. (Too bad we have no idea what she is saying most of the time.) In one part she points to the slide and says something that sounds like "I love it!" We really have actually translated "Come here, dog" and "She's not afraid." Obviously our hope to communicate throught those 25 phrases is doubtful. Next on my learning list are the numbers through 20 and the colors.
We also watch the video of Gracie together everyday. Usually Mark pulls it up right before he goes to bed and I sit on his knee to watch with him. We laugh at the same parts every time and have several phrases that she says memorized. (Too bad we have no idea what she is saying most of the time.) In one part she points to the slide and says something that sounds like "I love it!" We really have actually translated "Come here, dog" and "She's not afraid." Obviously our hope to communicate throught those 25 phrases is doubtful. Next on my learning list are the numbers through 20 and the colors.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The MOJ
The Ministry of Justice (MOJ) in Bulgaria is the entity that actually matches orphans and prospective parents. In an effort to keep busy during the wait, I have learned to use Google Translator to decifer their website that actually lists the children with special needs and the actions that the MOJ takes at each meeting. Well, I found us on the site...On 28/10/2008 we found Gracie's number, birthdate, and description, so we know she is child number 210. On May 12, under the candidates who "expressed interest in adoption of a specific child" it says United States which looks something like CAW in Cyrillic and "yes." They accepted our firm commitment for adoption on May 12!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Travel Tips
When I talked to Kay today, she told me some information about what to expect on our first trip. Here are a few of the details we discussed:
1. Our 4 1/2 year old probably sleeps in a crib, because the baby houses usually don't have any other place for them to sleep. We can ask about this and other questions when we meet the orphanage director.
2. Most orphans are chronically dehydrated, because diapers are expensive.
3. Most offices in Bulgaria do not have air-conditioning so it is difficult to conduct business in the summer.
4. Most Bulgarians have a sense of style that includes more formal dress than Americans are used to. Plan to wear dress pants or a skirt and no flip-flops. Most Bulgarians do not wear shorts.
5. Usually, the children are told that you might be their parents before you meet them for the first time.
6. Most orphans are taught that getting a mommy and daddy is the best thing they could ever hope for.
7. Usually orphans would eat oatmeal with a little milk on it for breakfast, soup for lunch, a small snack or a glass of milk or tea after nap, and a bowl of soup for supper. That would be all of the food and drink for the day.
8. Because the children are in a very sterile environment, they will be easily overstimulated by colors and clutter. It is helpful to scale back on toys, visitors and decorations to give children time to adjust when they get home.
9. We should take gifts for the orphanage director, driver and translator.
10. If we take snacks to share with our child or the other children, we should choose something that is not too rich.
11. Drink bottled water while in Bulgaria and be sure to try the shopska salad!
12. Bring cash because credit cards are not widely accepted.
1. Our 4 1/2 year old probably sleeps in a crib, because the baby houses usually don't have any other place for them to sleep. We can ask about this and other questions when we meet the orphanage director.
2. Most orphans are chronically dehydrated, because diapers are expensive.
3. Most offices in Bulgaria do not have air-conditioning so it is difficult to conduct business in the summer.
4. Most Bulgarians have a sense of style that includes more formal dress than Americans are used to. Plan to wear dress pants or a skirt and no flip-flops. Most Bulgarians do not wear shorts.
5. Usually, the children are told that you might be their parents before you meet them for the first time.
6. Most orphans are taught that getting a mommy and daddy is the best thing they could ever hope for.
7. Usually orphans would eat oatmeal with a little milk on it for breakfast, soup for lunch, a small snack or a glass of milk or tea after nap, and a bowl of soup for supper. That would be all of the food and drink for the day.
8. Because the children are in a very sterile environment, they will be easily overstimulated by colors and clutter. It is helpful to scale back on toys, visitors and decorations to give children time to adjust when they get home.
9. We should take gifts for the orphanage director, driver and translator.
10. If we take snacks to share with our child or the other children, we should choose something that is not too rich.
11. Drink bottled water while in Bulgaria and be sure to try the shopska salad!
12. Bring cash because credit cards are not widely accepted.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Hello Mommy!
June 9, 2009...The Ministry of Justice in Bulgaria approved our paperwork and match us officially with Daniela (aka Gracie). When Kay Montes called, Adam was home and answered the phone. He told Kay, that he was mine son and handed me the phone. Kay said that we had been approved and would travel in about 3 weeks. I was jumping around and trying to listen. I remember that I asked her, "So what do we do now?" and she told me to just enjoy the day and that she would get back with us with details in a few days. She definitely doesn't know me very well. I wanted all of the details now. We have no travel information, no idea what to expect to bring, no idea if we should schedule plane tickets, no idea about anything.
As soon as I hung up the phone, Adam was standing there looking at me with that, "are you alright" look. I grabbed him and started jumping around the kitchen screaming...and wet my pants! :-) Reality check...I'm not as young as I feel.
I called Mark right away and left a message saying that I needed for him to call me at home. He didn't even suspect that I would give him this good news. I wish I could have seen his face, but I just couldn't wait to tell someone. I called my parents right after Mark and I could tell Mom was crying on the other end of the line. She was going to be a grandma, again, and now she could actually tell anyone she wanted to tell. Dad was mowing the lawn when I called, so I know Mom enjoyed being able to share that news with him, too. Mark called his family when he got home to spread the joy.
We wanted to tell Blaise and Vince, but they had plans and called to say that they would not be home till late, so we waited until later that evening to tell them the good news in person. We met Terri, Sara and Larry at our favorite restaurant, The Royal International Buffet, for supper to celebrate. Now...I just want the details!
As soon as I hung up the phone, Adam was standing there looking at me with that, "are you alright" look. I grabbed him and started jumping around the kitchen screaming...and wet my pants! :-) Reality check...I'm not as young as I feel.
I called Mark right away and left a message saying that I needed for him to call me at home. He didn't even suspect that I would give him this good news. I wish I could have seen his face, but I just couldn't wait to tell someone. I called my parents right after Mark and I could tell Mom was crying on the other end of the line. She was going to be a grandma, again, and now she could actually tell anyone she wanted to tell. Dad was mowing the lawn when I called, so I know Mom enjoyed being able to share that news with him, too. Mark called his family when he got home to spread the joy.
We wanted to tell Blaise and Vince, but they had plans and called to say that they would not be home till late, so we waited until later that evening to tell them the good news in person. We met Terri, Sara and Larry at our favorite restaurant, The Royal International Buffet, for supper to celebrate. Now...I just want the details!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Our Timeline
Here is a (not so) short listing of our adoption process so far:
Vietnam
3-5-2007 Sent in our first homestudy application for Vietnam
4-20-2007 First homestudy visit with social worker #1
5-1-2007 Individual homestudy interviews with social worker #1
5-23-2007 Home study interviews with social worker #1
6-12-2007 Home visit by social worker #1
6-26-2007 Home study interviews with social worker #1
10-5-2007 Received incomplete home study with 19 factual errors
10-8-2007 Assigned social worker #2
10-18-2007 Home visit with social worker #2
11-12-2007 Home study sent to USCIS
1-30-2008 I-171h advanced processing completed for Vietnam. New applications discouraged pending renewal of Joint Agreement between Vietnam and US
China
1-30-2008 Applied to China Special Needs program
2-15-2008 LOI sent to China
4-15-2008? Notified that our LOI was denied and special needs program format changed
Bulgaria
7-31-2008 Applied to Tree of Life for Bulgaria program
8-7-2008 Home study visit with social worker #2
11-6-2008 Applied for change of country with USCIS
12-20-2008 Repeated biometrics in St. Louis
1-14-2009 Received request for evidence from USCIS and contacted SW #2
2-25-2009 Received a USCIS denial of petition for non-compliance by HS agency
3-26-2009 New Orphan Officer calls us at home to reverse the denial and issue I-171h
4-8-2009 Social Worker #2 leaves agency and Social Worker #3 takes over our case
4-16-2009 Received Gracie's photos and medicals
4-17-2009 Submitted firm family commitment for adoption to Bulgaria
4-21-2009 Submitted dossier to TOL
5-12-2009 Ministry of Justice accepts firm family commitment
6-9-2009 Ministry of Justice approves dossier and matches us with Gracie
7-12-2009 Anticipated travel date to meet our daughter!
Vietnam
3-5-2007 Sent in our first homestudy application for Vietnam
4-20-2007 First homestudy visit with social worker #1
5-1-2007 Individual homestudy interviews with social worker #1
5-23-2007 Home study interviews with social worker #1
6-12-2007 Home visit by social worker #1
6-26-2007 Home study interviews with social worker #1
10-5-2007 Received incomplete home study with 19 factual errors
10-8-2007 Assigned social worker #2
10-18-2007 Home visit with social worker #2
11-12-2007 Home study sent to USCIS
1-30-2008 I-171h advanced processing completed for Vietnam. New applications discouraged pending renewal of Joint Agreement between Vietnam and US
China
1-30-2008 Applied to China Special Needs program
2-15-2008 LOI sent to China
4-15-2008? Notified that our LOI was denied and special needs program format changed
Bulgaria
7-31-2008 Applied to Tree of Life for Bulgaria program
8-7-2008 Home study visit with social worker #2
11-6-2008 Applied for change of country with USCIS
12-20-2008 Repeated biometrics in St. Louis
1-14-2009 Received request for evidence from USCIS and contacted SW #2
2-25-2009 Received a USCIS denial of petition for non-compliance by HS agency
3-26-2009 New Orphan Officer calls us at home to reverse the denial and issue I-171h
4-8-2009 Social Worker #2 leaves agency and Social Worker #3 takes over our case
4-16-2009 Received Gracie's photos and medicals
4-17-2009 Submitted firm family commitment for adoption to Bulgaria
4-21-2009 Submitted dossier to TOL
5-12-2009 Ministry of Justice accepts firm family commitment
6-9-2009 Ministry of Justice approves dossier and matches us with Gracie
7-12-2009 Anticipated travel date to meet our daughter!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Miracles
It sometimes seems like every door is closed right before the Grace of God blows open all of the doors at once. For us, it seemed that God had closed the doors to ever adopting, and we were wondering if we had misunderstood what God wanted us to do. We had planned to have a couple more children when Mark and I married in 1997. Little did we know that we would endure tests, fertility clinics and two miscarriages before God would open our hearts to adopting. It's funny how we watched friends from church with their children adopted from overseas, heard the testimony of a special girl who was adopted at age 8, and even had the prompting of Mark's mother in her final hospital stay urging us to "get busy." Then when USCIS rejected our paperwork as incomplete with no option for appeal, we wondered if we had been out of God's will for years. Finally, we stopped struggling to make things happen the way we thought was best. We just stopped. At the time I wondered if we were giving up, but Mark and I both knew that we wanted to be in God's will more than we wanted another child. It wasn't a hopeless time; it was peaceful. God was good, all the time, every day. The blessings He had already given us were far greater than we could have ever hoped for or imagined. And when we stopped, God started.
Anyone who has worked with the US immigration department knows how difficult it is to get any information by mail or email, and I have never heard of anyone, except us, getting a personal phone call at home from USCIS. It is especially amazing that our file had been denied a month before the call and was no longer active. When Mark told me that I needed to listen to the message on our answering machine on Thursday, March 26, I thought that it was probably a garbled message from Blaise that we would try to decipher. LOL So when I heard this, I couldn't believe it:
Hello, this message is for Mr. and Mrs. Gail and Mark Dunham. This is Officer Michelle Colvert from Immigration. I am the new orphan officer here, and I just reviewed the denial that our previous officer sent you about denying the request for change of country, and I did see in there that she did make a mistake and miss a certain element that was required in the home study. It is there, so I reversed the decision. I am approving your request for change of country. The clerks will get the new I-171h typed up and get everything cabled off to Bulgaria, and I did have a question though for you about fingerprinting for Adam. Is he no longer living in your home? I know that you had the other two children printed in December, but I don't see anything on the paper saying that Adam was fingerprinted. Our main computer system is down today, so I can't go into the computer to check. So, if you could just email us back, the email address is chiadopt@dhs.gov and just let me know whether Adam still needs to be fingerprinted or if he is no longer living at home after college is over or what the situation with Adam is. Okay, thank you very much. Bye.
Mark had heard the message several hours before and was just waiting for me to finish my school work and get home. He didn't want to call me and miss seeing my face when I heard. We jumped around and we went out to eat to celebrate. But this was only the first miracle.
We hustled to complete our physicals, get new birth certificates, and notarize all of the documents so that they could be apostilled. When we thought we finally had the last documents ready to take to Springfield and had received the I-171h from immigration, Mark had to work overtime and couldn't get the apostilles. So, I called Kay, our program coordinator, to tell her they would be delayed. She told me that TOL had a file on one sweet little peanut who had not found a family. She told us that they had just gotten a new medical report on her and that the doctor said she had a normal life expectancy, but that she just needed a family to help her develop and keep her from being sick so often. We remembered this little girl's file from before and called Kay back to say, "yes!" We wanted her to be our little girl! We both knew God had chosen her for us and the medical information didn't matter. On April 16, 2009, God opened the door and we walked through. If Mark hadn't worked overtime, we would have sent in our dossier without talking to Kay that evening. We wouldn't have known that Gracie was waiting.
It took days with the online medical dictionary to grasp the medical interventions that she had endured because interstitial, parenchymal, parenteraly, and tachi-dyspnea aren't part of our daily vocabulary. What we discovered from researching is that 750 grams is 1.6 pounds, her birth weight. This fact alone means that according to one site on prematurity, she had a 40-70% survival rate and a 50% chance of having hearing and vision problems. Her vision and hearing were tested and appear to be normal. This little girl, who was delivered in a poor, developing country, received no prenatal care and had no parents advocating for her, is a fighter. I will always be thankful to the wonderful doctors and care-givers who valued her life. Four years later, she is a tiny, active, talkative little girl who will hopefully meet her family before she turns five. She truly is our miracle child!
Here is our dossier!
Anyone who has worked with the US immigration department knows how difficult it is to get any information by mail or email, and I have never heard of anyone, except us, getting a personal phone call at home from USCIS. It is especially amazing that our file had been denied a month before the call and was no longer active. When Mark told me that I needed to listen to the message on our answering machine on Thursday, March 26, I thought that it was probably a garbled message from Blaise that we would try to decipher. LOL So when I heard this, I couldn't believe it:
Hello, this message is for Mr. and Mrs. Gail and Mark Dunham. This is Officer Michelle Colvert from Immigration. I am the new orphan officer here, and I just reviewed the denial that our previous officer sent you about denying the request for change of country, and I did see in there that she did make a mistake and miss a certain element that was required in the home study. It is there, so I reversed the decision. I am approving your request for change of country. The clerks will get the new I-171h typed up and get everything cabled off to Bulgaria, and I did have a question though for you about fingerprinting for Adam. Is he no longer living in your home? I know that you had the other two children printed in December, but I don't see anything on the paper saying that Adam was fingerprinted. Our main computer system is down today, so I can't go into the computer to check. So, if you could just email us back, the email address is chiadopt@dhs.gov and just let me know whether Adam still needs to be fingerprinted or if he is no longer living at home after college is over or what the situation with Adam is. Okay, thank you very much. Bye.
Mark had heard the message several hours before and was just waiting for me to finish my school work and get home. He didn't want to call me and miss seeing my face when I heard. We jumped around and we went out to eat to celebrate. But this was only the first miracle.
We hustled to complete our physicals, get new birth certificates, and notarize all of the documents so that they could be apostilled. When we thought we finally had the last documents ready to take to Springfield and had received the I-171h from immigration, Mark had to work overtime and couldn't get the apostilles. So, I called Kay, our program coordinator, to tell her they would be delayed. She told me that TOL had a file on one sweet little peanut who had not found a family. She told us that they had just gotten a new medical report on her and that the doctor said she had a normal life expectancy, but that she just needed a family to help her develop and keep her from being sick so often. We remembered this little girl's file from before and called Kay back to say, "yes!" We wanted her to be our little girl! We both knew God had chosen her for us and the medical information didn't matter. On April 16, 2009, God opened the door and we walked through. If Mark hadn't worked overtime, we would have sent in our dossier without talking to Kay that evening. We wouldn't have known that Gracie was waiting.
It took days with the online medical dictionary to grasp the medical interventions that she had endured because interstitial, parenchymal, parenteraly, and tachi-dyspnea aren't part of our daily vocabulary. What we discovered from researching is that 750 grams is 1.6 pounds, her birth weight. This fact alone means that according to one site on prematurity, she had a 40-70% survival rate and a 50% chance of having hearing and vision problems. Her vision and hearing were tested and appear to be normal. This little girl, who was delivered in a poor, developing country, received no prenatal care and had no parents advocating for her, is a fighter. I will always be thankful to the wonderful doctors and care-givers who valued her life. Four years later, she is a tiny, active, talkative little girl who will hopefully meet her family before she turns five. She truly is our miracle child!
Here is our dossier!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Where Should I Begin?
Everytime that I try to start this blog I am faced with the dilemma of where to begin. Should I start with our miscarriages, the homestudy fiasco that took a year and three social workers to complete, the country changes from Vietnam to China to Bulgaria, the USCIS cancellation of our I-600a petition because of missing documentation from our homestudy agency, the personal phone call from the Orphan Officer telling us they had made an error and were sending the I-171h, or the first time that we saw our little Gracie's face and realized that she was supposed to be our daughter...the little girl who was laid on our hearts years ago and has been waiting for us to find her now for more than four years.
This journey to finding God's Grace reminds me of the saying: When God closes a door, He opens a window somewhere. Well, we definitely know what it is like to have the doors slammed closed. In fact, I still find myself wondering if any day now the rules will change or someone will decide they can find a better family for her, and she won't even know that we already love her. I wonder when she will be told that on the other side of the world, a family is praying for her to be healthy and loved until we can bring her home. I wonder how it is possible to love a child that only exists in a few fuzzy photographs, a nine minute video, and our dreams. Then I am reminded of watching the sonograms of our three grown sons and how I fell in love with the little pictures that only showed their outlines, and it doesn't seem so strange after all. I loved Adam, Blaise, and Vince because they were ours, and when we requested to adopt Gracie she became ours, too.
It really doesn't matter if it makes sense to add a child to our family financially...we couldn't afford our first three children either. It doesn't matter that we will be "older than the hills" when she graduates from high school...we are the youngest parents she will ever know. And it doesn't matter to us what medical problems she may face. As parents, we know that every child brings challenges and joys, frustrations and blessings. Children are mysterious surprises...The only thing that really matters is that she needs parents and we want another child. We will figure out the rest as we go.
This journey to finding God's Grace reminds me of the saying: When God closes a door, He opens a window somewhere. Well, we definitely know what it is like to have the doors slammed closed. In fact, I still find myself wondering if any day now the rules will change or someone will decide they can find a better family for her, and she won't even know that we already love her. I wonder when she will be told that on the other side of the world, a family is praying for her to be healthy and loved until we can bring her home. I wonder how it is possible to love a child that only exists in a few fuzzy photographs, a nine minute video, and our dreams. Then I am reminded of watching the sonograms of our three grown sons and how I fell in love with the little pictures that only showed their outlines, and it doesn't seem so strange after all. I loved Adam, Blaise, and Vince because they were ours, and when we requested to adopt Gracie she became ours, too.
It really doesn't matter if it makes sense to add a child to our family financially...we couldn't afford our first three children either. It doesn't matter that we will be "older than the hills" when she graduates from high school...we are the youngest parents she will ever know. And it doesn't matter to us what medical problems she may face. As parents, we know that every child brings challenges and joys, frustrations and blessings. Children are mysterious surprises...The only thing that really matters is that she needs parents and we want another child. We will figure out the rest as we go.
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