Bonding Breakthrough

Most people who know us have been great about respecting our "no holding or feeding" rule for Gracie, but strangers just think it is fine to pick up a friendly child without giving it a thought. It doesn't offend me, because I might have done the same thing only a few months ago without even thinking about it, but we try to intervene immediately as soon as someone picks her up who isn't family. Today Gracie gave a different, and more healthy, reaction to being held by a stranger than we have seen in the past. It gave me hope that her friendliness is just part of her charming, outgoing personality, not a sign of indiscriminate attachment.

We went to the Farmer's Market and since only a few people were there, Gracie was looking around in the aisles near us and telling us all of the flower colors..."Look, yellow flowers.  Mommy Daddy yellow!" She noticed one other family with two children, walked up to them and said, "I'm with mine Mommy and Daddy. No mine Mommy and Daddy," and shook her head. Then she noticed a man in a large brimmed hat, Phil, watering the flowers with a shower-like hose and walked over to watch him. He talked to her and even gave her a little spray nozzle to take home. After chatting for a few minutes, Grace started telling him that she wanted to spray the water, and he reached down and picked her up in his arm. Usually, Grace would just keep on talking and try to get even more attention, but not today. She immediately looked around for me, wiggled to face away from him, and stuck her thumb in her mouth. She was very uncomfortable. I walked a few steps over to where they were standing, and she instantly reached out for me to take her away from him. She spent the next 5 minutes sucking her thumb with her head snubbled against my shoulder while I held her and talked to her. I wish I knew what she was thinking...I know for sure, though, that she felt uncomfortable with a stranger and knew that Mommy would make her feel safe. She stayed really close to us for the rest of the time.

I know it probably sounds a little selfish to be happy that she was uncomfortable, but it is so important for her to understand that she can't trust everyone in the world. By recognizing that this man was unfamiliar, she was acknowledging that I am familiar...I think that is what bonding is all about--realizing where you belong and who you can count on. Looking back at our trip home from Bulgaria, when she tried to get every other mother in the airport to pick her up, she has made amazing progress.