During the isolation of COVID social distancing, this is a welcome blessing. Assigned seats, semester schedule changes, and distanced lunch seating is so hard for extraverts like Grace. She loves interacting with teachers and talking with her group of friends, who are mostly boys. Lunchtime chats about video games, Star Wars, and the upcoming Super Bowl are nonexistent now. So, why am I so upset by this new friendship?
Well, as any over-protective mother would do, I social media "stalked" her new friend. This sometimes ruffles up my mommy concern, but after teaching elementary and middle school, little truly surprises me. Not this time. It was clear that this teen is street-smart, unsupervised, and sexually active. I started wondering... Why did this high school junior choose to text my sweet, naive, socially-inexperienced daughter? What would possess a young man to choose this 4' 7" girl as his basketball partner in PE? What does he gain from a friendship with Grace?
I want to believe that he appreciates her cheerful positivity that looks beyond social status and appearances. I want to believe that he sees her generous heart filled with God's love and acceptance. But, my motherly instincts want to tell her that this "friendship" could hurt her both physically and emotionally.
I closely monitor Grace's phone time and texts anyway, so it was refreshing to see that one of the first things she did was tell this boy that her mother reads and monitors all of her texts. Way to go, Grace! Then she helped him with a problem on an assignment from one of their shared classes. Sounds great so far, right? Sending pictures back and forth without masks didn't seem like a red flag either. After all, it is hard to know who someone is when half of their face is covered. That all seemed innocuous enough.
But then, he said that the first thing he noticed about her was that she had a big nose and small eyes... Let me repeat that so you don't miss it. He said that the first thing he noticed about my daughter was that she had a big nose and small eyes!!!
Grace seemed unfazed by this comment at first. She agreed with the insult and she even told him that the comment didn't bother her at all. But, those words have dominated her conversation as if she continues to digest the validity of the insult. Her breakfast conversation with me today went something like this:
Grace: Mom, you know, he was right. I do have a big nose and small eyes.
Me: Dear, that is just not true. You have always loved your pretty eyes and you have a short little nose. I don't know why he would say that.
Grace: No, he was right. I guess I just never noticed it. I stood in front of my mirror last night and really tried to see what I look like. I do have a really big nose and my eyes look super small.
Me: Just because someone says something about you doesn't make it true. You know, your other friends say that you are cute and smart. Perhaps this boy isn't really your friend if he makes you feel insecure.
Grace: No, it's fine. He wasn't being mean when he said it; he just wanted to be honest. I don't really care anyway.
But, she did. She cared enough to study her face in the mirror last night. She cared enough to tell me about it before she headed to school. And she cared about it enough to ask me twice if she looked okay today before heading for the bus. One thoughtless, judgmental text changed her view of herself and shook her confidence. This boy is not her friend; he is exactly the opposite. And this mommy is on alert.
